


Through The Looking Glass

by dearjayycee



Series: I'm i never gunna finish these (Works up for Adoption) [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Homophobia, M/M, Pedophilia, Physical Abuse, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:22:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26376460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearjayycee/pseuds/dearjayycee
Summary: Dean looked up towards the sky, clouds breaking up the expanse of bright blue, “So, what’s your name?” He leaned back on his elbows, grass tickling the skin now that his leather jacket had been taken off so that he could feel the wind on his body. It was such a nice day.“Castiel,” the name came from under flowers, huskily muttered in the most pleasing way. Dean tested it around in his head a few times, it was lovely...
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: I'm i never gunna finish these (Works up for Adoption) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1494713
Kudos: 8





	Through The Looking Glass

##  **This plot idea contains: Rape, Homophobia, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Physical and Mental Abuse .**

**Angst Level: 9/10**

**Happy Ending**

****Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel** **

**Please also note that this plot idea and the short written section were done when I was much younger and I am posting them exactly like I wrote them at the time. There will be spelling/grammar mistakes, rambling, and sections that might not convey the sensitive nature of this topic. I have grown a lot since I wrote this and know I am sorry if anything in them upsets you.**

**PLOT:**

  * Castiel/Jimmy has Dissociative identity disorder due to childhood trauma. (17 until a few chapters in)
    * His mother’s brother Metatron has abused him both physically and mentally since he was eight. 
    * After finally telling his mother what was happening she thought he was lying so she started to harass him. 
      * She regularly has her brother over and also tells everyone who will listen about how horrible Castiel/Jimmy is, asking for all the people in their church to pray for him.


    * His mother slaps him whenever he tries to say anything about his uncle
      * He has tried to tell her so many times that now he just tells her every time his uncle touches him and she just slaps him in reply verbally abusing him
    * His given name is Jimmy Novak
      * God-fearing Christian
      * Homophobe 
      * Extremely intelligent
      * Shows emotions easily
      * Jimmy knows what is wrong with him and he allows Castiel to take over whenever he can’t handle a situation. 
      * Jimmy Novak goes by the name Castiel (saying it’s his middle name) at school because Castiel refuses to be acknowledged as Jimmy. 
    * His alter ego is named Castiel
      * Spaced out
      * Bumblebee lover
      * Sexual indifferent
      * The reason Castiel was picked for his name was because Metatron always would call him ‘my angel’ as a pet name
    * His father (Chuck) is a traveling preacher, never around. 
  * Dean (18 by the start of the story)
    * His mother and father are alive and they have an extremely open and loving relationship
    * Usually into girls but not apposed to guys. 
    * Their family isn’t very religious but their mother and father have faith.


  * Dean asks “Castiel” out on a date, Jimmy flips out because of his homophobia. Which ends up terrifies Dean (because of how strongly he reacts). He did not expect that reaction. 
  * Dean figures out what is wrong with Castiel and starts doing research about how he can help Jimmy/Castiel
    *       * He gives him a journal so that Jimmy and Castiel can communicate.
      * Jimmy can now know where HIS BODY has been and Castiel can tell Jimmy were THE BODY (of THE HOST BODY) has been. 
        * Castiel’s writing is soft and flowing (cursive)
        * Jimmy’s handwriting his neat and disciplined. 
  * Naomi asks Jimmy where he has been going and jimmy tells her to the Winchesters
    * She tells him to stop seeing them since they aren’t a part of the church.
    * Jimmy starts avoiding Dean/Sam
    * Dean corners Jimmy and pulls him into a closet and sits down in front of the door, Jimmy starts freaking out and Dean shushes him, telling him it’s okay he just wants to talk.
    * Jimmy flips (from being cornered) and starts yelling at Dean about how he is making him a bad son and that his mother doesn’t want them hanging out.
    * Dean asks why and what will happen if they do.
    * Jimmy blurts out that it’s because he is a sinner and he doesn’t want his mom hurting him again. 
    * Jimmy realizes what he said and sinks to the floor.
    * Dean stares at him. Then confronts him as nicely as possible. 
  * The Winchesters ask Castiel/Jimmy to move in with them.
    * At first he is hesitant.
      * He is worried about his mother even if doesn’t particularly like her, she is still his mother
      * He doesn’t want to take advantage of the Winchesters
      * He doesn’t want all his ‘crazy’ to mess with them.
    * Mary Winchester sits him down to talk to him about it. Just holding him tight as he breaks down and just cries it all out. (As Jimmy)
    * Dean accidently walks into the kitchen and his mother silently shoos him away when he starts to come closer
    * Mary tells him that sometimes the people we chose to call family are different from the ones we are born with. Then tell him everyone in the household chooses him. 
  * Jimmy goes home to get some of his stuff
  * The Winchesters go to the police to report Metatron. 
    * The police arrest Metatron and search his house. 
    * They find child pornography as well as photos of Jimmy.
    * In court Metatron confesses (after some of Jimmy’s Therapy time). Saying “Poor naive, dirty, Jimmy. Ruined Jimmy. It’s odd seeing you from the front; I think I like you better from behind. Do you want me to tell you a story…(he proceeds to tell the jury every single detail of what he did. Mary tells Dean to take Sam out of the courtroom but Dean comes back to stay with Jimmy, holding his hand tightly. Trying to be strong for him, he winces at everything Metatron says and he can’t even muster the strength to glare at him. ”
    * When Naomi finds out that he was telling the truth she comes to him in tears, saying “I know I was wrong, I’m sorry please believe me.” She begs him not to tell the police about the abuse. Mary slaps her and says, “How can you even call yourself a mother.” They leave. 
    * Jimmy decides not to 
  * Mary and John offer Castiel therapy (in the nicest way possible). 
    * Jimmy want’s to be better but he is afraid of opening up.
    * Dean tells Jimmy that no matter what he chooses to do he will always be there for him. Castiel or Jimmy, as long as he will have him.
    * Jimmy then decides that he loves Dean be it as a best friend and when Castiel as a lover.
    * He realizes he is no more often Jimmy than he is Castiel. But he is a happier Jimmy now that he is with the Winchesters. 
  * With the help of therapy he realizes he needs to embrace the past and except both sides of himself. 
    * He decides to go by Castiel Novak and he becomes somewhat like normal!verse Castiel.
  * Dean and Jimmy get intimate. 
    * Jimmy says it’s okay if it’s only kissing and light touching.
    * Dean proceeds to touch Jimmy’s arms and little chaste kisses. 
    * At first Jimmy is okay, participating back with the bare minimum.
    * Dean continuously asks if everything he’s doing is okay, Jimmy says yes even though he is starting to feel odd.
    * Castiel takes over and Dean stops even though Castiel says “It’s okay, you can use my body…It’s been done before.” 
    * Dean just grabs onto Castiel and saying he is so sorry. Crying his eyes out. 
    * Dean just holds onto him for the rest of the night. 


  * Castiel finally forms a relationship with Lucifer and Gabriel (his brothers) when the Winchesters invite them over for Christmas
    * Dean buys Jimmy the harry potter book series. 
      * Jimmy lays on Dean’s bed in his lap reading them out loud to Dean while Dean runs his fingers through Jimmy’s hair. 
    * Mary buys him a few cook books and his own apron. 
    * Sam gets him 
  * When they finally have sex Dean bottoms, not in a ‘I’m the submissive way’ but because Cas has told him about everything and he just wants it to be so amazing that he couldn’t bare to put Castiel through the initial pain of penetration. 
  * Dean asks Castiel if after everything is said and done if whenever they move out if Castiel would like to live with Dean.



Story:

[Chapter 1]  
  


During fourth period Dean Winchester found himself walking outside of the school, strolling up the hill on the backside of the grounds. The fall air was crisp with a slight breeze and leaves crumbled under each step of his boots, Dean had always loved the start of school if only for the feeling of August days. As he got to the top of the hill, looking down on the gentle slope, he noticed another student lying with his hand behind his head. The seemingly young man’s face was covered with what looked to be small sunflowers. Dean noted the oddity of the situation but he nonetheless joined him, thinking this day would be better with someone to talk to. He plopped down on the green grass, pulling his knees up to his chest, “Hey.”

“Hello,” the boy’s voice was deep and it shocked Dean. He wasn’t normally one to judge but he hadn’t expected such a voice to come out of a body so small. The boy was probably around five foot six but he could tell by the skin showing at the top on his pants that he was rather skinny. His hips were protruding with his jeans resting on them and if Dean wanted to he could look in the gap between the clothes and his stomach. Truthfully, Dean was a little worried about how thin the other seemed to be…surely it couldn’t be healthy

Dean looked up towards the sky, clouds breaking up the expanse of bright blue, “So, what’s your name?” He leaned back on his elbows, grass tickling the skin now that his leather jacket had been taken off so that he could feel the wind on his body. It was such a nice day. 

“Castiel,” the name came from under flowers, huskily muttered in the most pleasing way. Dean tested it around in his head a few times, it was lovely but it felt really formal. 

“I’m Dean, Cas -” the nickname rolled right off the tip of his tongue, and Dean liked how it felt in his mouth. It was much better then just Castiel. But just as he was about to go on, from his momentary stop. Cas cut him off. 

“Cas?” The question seemed light at first but Dean felt an underlying darkness. 

Dean was slightly nervous about the nickname he had chosen for this complete stranger. Had he over stepped his bounds? Was there something wrong with giving someone a nickname? Dean had never thought so. “Yeah, a nickname, is that okay?” 

“Yes, I like it.” The darkness was gone from his tone this time; the words were light, airy, and completely carefree. Dean like this much better then the off-kilter tone from earlier, it fit Castiel much better. 

“Cool, so Cas, what’s with the flowers?” He thought it was adorable how he had covered almost every inch of his face with bright yellow flowers. The only part of his face that Dean could see was a sharp jaw covered in light stubble, and the tip of a perfect nose. 

Castiel laughed softly but the next words came out slightly softer then expected, “I’m trying to make friends with the bees.” 

It was so endearing the Dean felt his ears heat up, “Bees, huh?”

“Bumblebees,” Castiel reaffirmed. 

Dean chuckled softly, smiling up at the clouds, “That’s nice.” He lay back in the grass, copying Castiel’s posture, closing his eyes with a smile still on his face. 

Castiel removed the flower that was covering one of his eyes so that he could take a look at the person next to him out of his peripheral vision. He was surprised at how handsome he was. Castiel normally didn’t notice the beauty in people but he could see that Dean was a work of art. But the reason he looked over to begin with was the lack of judgment from the other. He had expected Dean to scoff at him, as most people did. “I wonder if your blue is the same as mine.”

Dean looks over to see the bluest eye he had ever seen staring up at the clouds. He raised his body up a little, leaning on his forearm, to get a better look, and they were bluer then he had first imagined. Dean knew he was thinking about the color far too much but he couldn’t help but try to figure out exactly what shade to call it. He smirked, thinking Cas’ eyes were more pleasing then the sky, “Probably not.” Dean reached over and grabbed the flower now in-between them, placing it over Castiel’s eye gently. 

-.X.-

_“Angel,” he tried to ignore the sick man driving him to school, turning his head to watch the greenery as it went by._

_A rough hand reached over and snatched one of his setting it in the older man’s lap, forcing him to touch the other’s crotch. He wanted to scream and retract his hand but he knew all his fighting would be completely useless. No one would hear and no one would do anything about his predicament. It had been this way since he was eight. This vile, horrible man controlled everything in his life and he loathed it. Every attempt of his to somehow be free of this person had been ruined._

_‘Relax,’ a soft voice in his head whispered, enticing him to do so. And as soon as his hand was forced to start rubbing over a hard cock he did so. He let go…let himself fade away to another place._

_His hand started to unbutton the slack that were now in the way of his goal, the last thing he remembered was his uncle goading him on with a pleased, “That a boy.” He went through the motions that he knew all too well until his hand was covered in a sticky liquid. He wiped his hand on his jeans, after he placed the now flaccid cock away, not caring at this point anymore and went back to staring out the window at the beautiful trees and bushes._

_Finally, they arrived at the school he moved to get out of the car but his uncle stopped him, grabbing his arm before reminding him, “Have a good day at school, Jimmy.”_

_“My name is Castiel.”_

_“Whatever makes it easier for you to live with your sin, angel.”_

  
  


[CHAPTER 2]

He had finally regained control of his mind after fourth period ended, only realizing he had skipped all his morning classes when he wound up in math. Jimmy hated this…this lack of control. But then again it was better than the other option. To be around that man was completely unthinkable. 

Jimmy went through the rest of the day as per protocol, not talking to anyone and not noticing his surroundings at all. The only time he ever saw anything other than the work in front of his face was when someone got to close too him in the hallways. Jimmy hated how his body would begin to shake and tense up whenever any other living soul got within two feet of him. He just couldn’t trust anyone around his skin anymore, so he wore a trench coat at all times. He knew it didn’t help but it made him feel more secure in his surroundings. 

On his way to his house he realized his mother would know that he had skipped a few classes. But it’s not like he wasn’t already used to her disappointment. Jimmy simply ignored the growing unease with each step up the concrete drive, but the extra car in the driveway didn’t help his nausea. 

Jimmy pulled open the door softly, hoping to avoid his mother and uncle. He then tried to sneak by the living room, shoulders hunched forward in an effort to make himself smaller...less easy to notice. Unfortunately, a confident, “Hello, Jimmy,” came from his uncle who had spotted him during his escape attempt. 

Mrs. Novak glared at her son. It almost seemed as if she was throwing daggers at him with her eyes. “Make us more tea,” she commanded, thrusting her cup forward as she waited for him to come take it away.

His shaky hands held the empty glass close to his chest in an attempt to keep it from dropping. The way his mother’s eyes cut him to the quick, leaving giant wounds on every inch of his body and soul, destroyed the young man. To have your own mother hate you was one of the hardest things to deal with but he still couldn’t rebel against her. All Jimmy wanted was for his mother to hold him tight and kiss away his tears. But he knew that would never happen. The moment Jimmy had told his mother what her own brother was doing she had stopped getting physically and mentally close. Actually, their relationship was worse then that of enemies now. 

The sound of the teakettle whistling derailed his train of thought. Jimmy didn’t remember going into the kitchen or filling the pot. He then poured the boiling liquid directly into his mother’s cup, the steam hitting his hand and burning it slightly. He barely felt it anyways.

“He skipped first through fourth period, how ungrateful can he be? I just don’t know what to do with him at this point. I mean, I have already started a prayer group for him at the church but he continues to lie. His brothers were never this bad. I am at my wits end.”

Jimmy could just picture it now, his mother with her face nested in her hands and his uncle sitting with a comforting hand on her knee. “Naomi…all we can do is hope that he will realize his sins and hope he repents.”

“I know but to accuse you, of all people, of…touching him. I have no clue who he is. He is not my child.”

“Don’t you think that is taking it a little too far?” The snide tone of his uncle’s voice made Jimmy clench his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white. He hated how his uncle played his side, always making himself seem like the good guy in the whole situation. 

Uncle Metatron, always caring, and ever forgiving, as only a man of unabashed faith could be. Looking back on it Jimmy realized that of course his mother wouldn’t have ever believed him when he said her own brother was doing weird things to him in the dead of night or when she wasn’t around. One of the people she loved unconditionally…touching her own child. Of course it wasn’t true. It had been foolish of Jimmy to tell her in the first place. If he could he would go back to when he was nine and sew his mouth shut, never to be opened again, he would.

He gently placed the cup down on the table, but their conversation didn’t stop now that he was in their presence. In fact, it got louder. “I need a day off from this Met…” 

Metatron situated his legs, leaning back into the leather coach, “Well, Naomi, I’m not busy tonight so if there is something you would like to do I could watch him.”

Mrs. Novak let loose a whole-hearted smile, leaning forward to get closer to her brother. “You would do that for me? After all the trouble he has caused?” 

Jimmy’s Uncle chuckled, rubbing the back of his head before fondly patting Jimmy’s back. “He might be a troublemaker but he is still my nephew. And I owe you, you allowed me to stay in your lovely home when I was starting my business.”

His body went rigid under the large hand that had lingered for too long. Fingers tracing lines on his skin, making him shiver with disgust. He wanted to scream at his mother to not go. To please stay. But it would be of no use. 

“Thank you so much. There was this book club meeting I really wanted to go to, they are reading ‘Absolute Surrender.’” She pulled the book off of the coffee table, the cover was worn and bent as if read a hundred times and then once more. It had always been one of father’s favorites. 

“Oh, I do love that one.” Metatron finally removed his hand, resting it back on his own lap but leering over at Jimmy in its place. His eyes lingered and Jimmy hated the way he could feel his body being caressed…his mother was too busy with her book to even notice the look. It was truly disgusting how good his uncle was at this little game. 

“I am going to go upstairs now.” Jimmy felt the need to disappear, and the only one who watched him walk away was his uncle. His mother was probably too wrapped up in memories of her traveling preacher husband to hear his soft words. Every step he took sealed his fate a little more. Made it just a little more difficult to even consider running down the stairs and out of the house. Jimmy walked into his room, not even bothering to close the door, and plopping down onto his mattress. 

‘Go to sleep, let me take the wheel,’ that voice talking to him two times in one day was always a bad sign. But like always it was easier for him to just give into it. That way at least he didn’t have to deal with what came next. What always came when that sweet enticing voice came, much huskier than his own. He let himself slip down, into the dark secluded corner of his mind that nothing was allowed to touch but himself. Where he kept his most private of thoughts along with his true feelings. He closed to his eyes and floated off. 

Castiel found himself sitting in Jimmy’s bedroom again. He was only called here when the man was around. He stood up and pulled off all his clothes before getting on the bed with his knees tucked under his chest. Castiel pulled the pillow under his head, his arms at his sides…waiting. After many times he had found it was easier to just lay like a ragdoll and wait. It always went faster this way.

The soft thud of the front door slamming rang throughout the whole house, soon followed by heavy footstep making their way up the stairs. Castiel turned his head to face the other way after about two seconds of seeing Metatron leaning against the doorframe. “What a lovely little slut, already laid out like this. Do you not feel any shame begging your own uncle to fuck you?” 

Castiel didn’t answer; he only waited for the inevitable, pushing his bottom up higher. A heavy weight pressed down on the bed behind him, and then Castiel felt thick sweaty hands all over his body. He knew things were happening to him but he paid them no heed. Thoughts of bumblebees kept his mind buzzing. 

Bees were such a beautifully simple creatures. The way they buzz about never having to worry about anything. Just pollinating flowers and then going back to the hive to make honey. Taking care of the larva and protecting their queen. 

Castiel’s thoughts momentarily stop _. ‘It hurts…so bad.’_ His uncle was now thrusting into him finally at full force, holding nothing back. No preparation, no warning. And bees…the way they keep flowers and plants alive, assuring the next generation or foliage while helping themselves.

He could feel his own flaccid cock hitting against his thigh, the way the useless flesh hit together was rather disgraceful, not to mention it was uncomfortable. The rough pushing into his body started to speed up. One would think after the many times this had happened his uncle would have built up some stamina, alas it was always quick and rough. Not to say he didn’t love the quickness, it was always over soon after it began. He felt a hand in his hair, nearly ripping out the black, matted down locks. The other was gripping the back of his neck like someone would a cat. ‘ _Cats are nice. It would be nice to be a cat. To be able to lay around all day without a care in the world past how to get humans to pet me.’_ Castiel’s head was pulled back to the point that it popped harshly which made him stop wondering about what it would be like to be a feline. Castiel felt the thrusting become uneven and hurried. His uncle was then moaning and releasing inside of him, still thrusting until he finally collapsed on his nephew, breath coming out ragged and hurried. He only took a few minutes to compose himself before getting up and leaving his room, but not before slapping Castiel’s ass leaving an angry red handprint. With a satisfied, “That was fun angel, we will have to do it again sometime,” and he is gone for the night. Metatron couldn’t even deal with what he had just done and scurried off like a rat, Castiel chuckled softly at the conclusion. He had always thought of himself as lucky in that respect, that his uncle always couldn’t deal with what he had done afterwards and ran off, or so it seemed. He needed to get up. 

Castiel eased out of bed, going over to his door to close it, ejaculation dripping down his thighs with every step. Then he slowly swayed over to his en suite bathroom, the pain in his back only slowing him down slightly. He knew well enough to lock the door so that there would be no round two. He automatically turned the water on scalding hot, stepping in so that he could feel the cold before heat. Castiel squatted down, having found that it was the best position to get rid of any left over reminisce of what his uncle had done. 

Soon the water boiled his skin as red as a cooked lobster, just the way he liked it. It was the only thing that made him feel anything resembling the word clean. He pulled a luffa down from the rack, drowning it in body wash before scraping it across his the skin of his shoulder, leaving the skin raw and almost bleeding. 

He scrubbed away at every inch of his body, down to the tops of his feet. When he finally felt like a layer of filth had been removed from the expanse of skin he left the restroom. It was more likely to be the top layer of skin then filth. Filth ran deeper than skin. He tugged on pajamas and pulled off his bed coverings, knowing how much Jimmy hated waking up on dirty sheets. Castiel would have gotten a new set out if he didn’t need to leave the room to get them.

Castiel laid down on the empty mattress, using his arm as a pillow and facing towards the wall. Staring at the small bumps, mesmerized by the simplicity of them. He closed his eyes, falling asleep automatically. The kind of sleep that was nice and peaceful, in a giant green garden. 

Jimmy woke up covered in sweat, every inch of his body soaked in it. _‘The sheets are missing…the sheets.’_ He jumped out of bed, running to the restroom, hips aching with every single hurried step. Jimmy thrust the door open and throw open the lid of the toilet, bending down to hurl up everything in his stomach. Tears were streaming down his face and he could barely catch his breath between heaves, each one hurting more with the lack of volume to it. He found dry heaving was the worst. Jimmy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, finally to regain some of his composer. He hated this. 

He didn’t want to go to school, he didn’t want to be alive if he was being truthful. But he also didn’t want to be around to his mother all day, so he stuck it out and got dressed as if nothing happened. Continued on like a normal person as if nothing was wrong. Always doing this. Always playing a part, now.

Jimmy skipped out on breakfast, the thought of eating food at the moment being completely unthinkable. He wanted to hurl at the smell of toast coming from the kitchen as he snuck by and out the back door. But most of all he didn’t want to see the hate and disappointment in his mother’s eyes. It was always there. He gently closed the door then schooled his face so the pain wouldn’t show, not that anyone would ask if they ever saw it. 

[Chapter 3]

A small hands started pushing at his arm, “Honey, get up.” His mother’s voice might have sounded pleasant to the untrained ear but the Winchester men knew that under the honey sweet tone laid a hint of murder to anyone who didn’t comply with her wishes. Dean opened his eyes, automatically being assaulted with sunlight but forcing his eyes to stay wide. 

“I’m up-” he groaned, throwing his legs out of the warm covers, shivering at the coldness of his room. Then again only wearing boxers probably didn’t help any. “Mom, what’s for breakfast?” 

She didn’t answer his question choosing to walk out of the room. Mary Winchester had always been slightly uncomfortable in Dean’s room. It was something about the many band, car, and naked women posters that covered every inch of her son’s walls that made her feel uneasy. It wasn’t that her son was a bad kid, he just didn’t respect women as much as she would like. Mary had always felt a little disappointed at the way Dean would flit from girl to girl. She knew how her son would come home some days, dazed and disheveled. And she might not mind so much if she could have met at least one of the young ladies. Mary always wanted to raise her sons to be gentlemen but Dean just never seemed to want to have a serious relationship built on trust and understand rather than hiding and sex. 

Mary flipped Sam’s omelet just as he stepped down the stairs, still in his boxers. Sam was getting so tall; he was quickly approaching John’s height. It had hurt her husband’s pride a little when Dean had surpassed him and surely by the time Sam was Dean’s age they would both tower over John. Mary thought it was cute how she would have to comfort John silently every time they all went to the clinic for their bi-yearly check ups. Mary always insisted they were in good health. 

John was next to make his way down the stairs, wearing only boxers as well, then plopping down at the breakfast table just as she placed his omelet in front of him. They really did all have impeccable timing. John joined in with Sam’s hums of delight with the taste of the food. “Amazing as always, dear,” John praised as Dean finally appeared in the doorway, also in his boxers. Really, she didn’t understand how they ever had company over. Dean moved over to the fridge, pulling out orange juice and pouring himself and Sam a glass before fixing two cups of coffee and placing them in front of their respective places. John quickly thanked Dean for the cup of straight black coffee and continued eating. Mary always loved spending her mornings like this, all her boys quiet and content. No fighting…just the sound of chewing. But of course Dean had to reach over to Sammy’s plate to steal a bite, too impatient to wait the ten seconds it would take for him to get his plate. She closed her eyes tightly and waited for the inevitable screaming to ensue. 

Which it did with a loud, startling yell of, “Get your own, you jerk!”

“Stop being such a bitch.”

“Boys,” Mary growled, eyes darting between the three and then landing on John for chuckling at the whole thing. His mouth snapped closed, glaring at his sons now. The fight stopped and then both went back to eating, Sam picking at the scraps on his plate. Mary sat down with her own plate finally able to eat. Kick. Elbow. Knee. “Stop it,” she said without looking up at them. 

“Okay Sam, let’s get going,” Dean yelled as he finished wolfing down his breakfast, then running upstairs to take a quick shower. 

Sam grabbed both his own plate and Dean’s, rinsing them off in the sink and then placing them in the dishwasher before running upstairs after his big brother. 

John was the next to get up, kissing the top of her head before going to wash his own dish. She had them trained so well. Mary remembered when she first met John how dirty his apartment had been. Their house now was the most immaculately clean a house with three men could be. 

Dean and Sam came running down the stairs, pushing each other, each trying to get to the door first. “Don’t take my jacket!” John yelled from his position at the sink.

“Too late,” Dean yelled back as he grabbed the keys and rushed out the door, Sammy tailing him. 

“You might as well just give it to him,” Mary thought it was so odd after years of Dean stealing the old leather jacket on the way out the door that John still told him not to take the worn coat. 

“I already did.” 

“When?” Had she missed the symbolic giving of the jacket? From the way Dean had ranted about the Impala when that was passed down she doubted she had missed it. Dean talked about that car nonstop for months after his sixteenth birthday. It had been adorable, and Dean had hated it when his mom said that out loud. The sound of the Impala pulling out of the drive-way signaled they were now speeding off to school.

John came to sit down next to her, grabbing her hand in his, “I left it on his hook.”

“You’re so weird.”

“You married me.” He smiled at his wife fondly, nothing but happiness on his face. He was so lucky. John had met the women of his dreams and quickly married her. And then they had two beautiful sons. It was what he had always wanted. 

Mary scoffed, drinking the last few drops of her coffee before cleaning up the mess left in the kitchen. 

-.X.-

Dean always hated math class, it had always been such a pain in his ass. However, now he found there was something good about it after all. Castiel sat only fifteen feet away. Dean was surprised he had never noticed the trench coat clad boy before now. But then again he had never been looking. And Cas just sat there doing all the work, not speaking to his peers, not raising his hand when the teacher asked questions. It was almost as if he was trying to melt into the background. 

As soon as the class was over Dean rushed after Cas, who was trying to make a quick escape, grabbing his arm when he was in reach. Castiel spun, whole body shaking, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Dean let go of the shaky limb quickly, not understanding the scared look he had caused to be on the man’s face. “I’m sorry…I didn’t-“ Dean didn’t know what he had did wrong or what could fix the situation. 

“No,” the voice quivered, and to Dean’s surprise it wasn’t the same husky voice he had hear yesterday. This was far higher in pitch as well as far less carefree. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

Dean gawked at Castiel, not understanding how it was possible after the talk they had yesterday for Cas to have forgotten him. Dean didn’t know why but he was slightly insulted and now sporting a bruised ego. “You don’t remember me?” His voice cracked at the end of the sentence, his face light up with embarrassment. 

“Sorry no,” Castiel tilted his head while itching at his arm in a nervous matter. 

Realizing how spaced Castiel had been, thinking maybe the guy had been high off his horse, Dean forgave him. Not that there was anything to forgive. “Nah don’t worry about it, the name’s Dean. We met yesterday on the hill in fourth period.”

Cas suddenly looked stricken with fear, like Dean had said monsters where real. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open slightly. “So we…um met yesterday?”

“Yeah, Cas.”

“Cas?” Though to Dean non-high Castiel was much different then loopy Cas they had both asked the question in the same way. It was nice to know Dean hadn’t just made some crazy mistake...like in some bad high school movie with twins. _‘Twins would be nice.’_

“Yeah remember it’s a nickname. Man you must have been really fucking high yesterday.” Dean chuckled nervously, not sure if it was okay to talk about the elephant in the room. 

Castiel sighed in relief, “Ah, yeah.”

“Hey, wanna come to lunch with me?” 

The hallways had already been cleared, everyone having already moved to their respective areas. They were the only two left, yet Dean suddenly felt claustrophobic. 

“Sure,” Castiel didn’t sound so sure in his answer but Dean took it at face value. He started to stroll towards the lunch-room Castiel at his side with his head ducked down and hands stuffed in his pants pockets. 

Dean held the door open for his new soon to be friend, then pulled Castiel along gently by his wrist to the lunch line. Dean realized his mistake and let go when he felt the tenseness running down the arm in his hand. He wasn’t sure why Castiel was so uptight about being touched but he did want to find out in the future. The lunch lady rolled her eyes and demanded they tell her what they wanted to eat. Castiel said ‘no thank you’ and Dean’s head shot towards him, remembering how thin Cas was under all those clothes. 

“You’re not hungry?” Dean asked as he placed his hand on a boney shoulder, but quickly removed it so as not to make Castiel uncomfortable.

Castiel looked down at the food, blushing slightly with one hand on his stomach. “I forgot my lunch money…”

“Don’t worry about it, get whatever.” Dean was excited to be the one to feed the hungry man. To get some food into him. Castiel looked up towards him as if to ask if it was really alright and Dean just nodded as a reassurance. 

Castiel ordered all his food in a rush, seeming to want to get it into his body as fast as possible. Dean chuckled silently to himself all the way to the check out at how anxious Cas was. He lead them to the table where he usually sat, Jo moving over a seat to make room for Cas due only to the look Dean gave her. 

“Everyone this is Cas, Cas this is everyone,” he sat down and started to munch on his food. Castiel looked worried about something, he was playing around with his food even though he had been so eager to eat earlier. Dean leaned over and put a hand to the side of his face, whispering like a little kid with a secret. “Don’t worry about them, most of them are slobs who accidentally spit out more food than they swallow.”

Castiel smiled back at him and then dug into his food, eating with better manners than Dean had ever expected from anyone of his age. He chewed with his mouth closed and he waited to swallow his food before he answered any questions that were thrown his way. Castiel didn’t put his elbows on the table and he even didn’t cuss. It was all very grown up, and it seemed odd around his normal group of friends. Ash was in a heated discussion with Benny about anarchism, a normal topic between the two, and Jo and Charlie were chitchatting about Charlie’s new crush. But as soon as Castiel figured out Charlie was a lesbian he tensed up next to Dean. He glared down at his food, knuckles turning white around his plastic fork. Dean wasn’t to keen on the fact that it seemed like Castiel was a homophobe, but he was immensely glad the man had yet to voice his opinion. 

Sure Dean was surprised to find out that Castiel was not what he had imagined but for some reason he felt like he should stick around a little longer. Normally he would never talk to someone who couldn’t accept such things but…there was something about the way Castiel had yet to blow up that intrigued Dean. Castiel sat quietly, eating away at his plate full, listening to every word that everyone said…judging it. But not once opening his mouth to say anything against any of their life choices. 

Dean would be sure to ask about it later. 

Lunch ended and they went their separate ways, until Dean found out that he also shared English with Castiel. He sat through the whole class staring at the back of Cas’ head, which bobbed up and down as he wrote. Every once in a while Cas would bring his pencil up to his lips, tapping them rapidly in an attempt to put his thoughts into words. 

He decided not to approach the other after class ended, rather wanting to watch the man scurry around the hallways, avoiding all that came close. It was really so strange and unusual. The more he saw of Castiel’s behavior the more he worried about the man. Something just screamed ‘unstable’ about most of the things he did. 

The whole drive home Dean could only think about the Castiel he had met on the hill and the Castiel he had met today. Sam kept blabbering on about this girl he had meet in art class in the background, but Dean couldn’t pay enough attention to him to bother with teasing. 

He went straight to his room as soon as they got home to stare up at the ceiling. It always helped him think. And boy did he have a lot to think about. 

[CHAPTER 4]

A week had passed by and Dean had thought and thought and thought about everything Castiel did. He analyzed every little thing. Probably too much for his own good. Dean was pretty sure he was driving himself mad. So he had decided that today was the day to act. 

During Friday’s English class Dean started to pass notes Castiel’s way. Silently pleading people to pass the first to Cas, he watched its progress. Unfortunately once it reached him, Castiel ignored the note, placing it in the pocket of his coat. 

Dean wasn’t about to take this laying down. He sent another note and it was met with the same reaction. It pissed him off that Castiel refused to open the notes. But he continued on with his quest. 

The teacher was definitely getting pissed off with his note passing but Dean knew he wouldn’t be able to stop until Castiel opened one of the fucking notes. He had started writing cheesy pick up lines with a few serious questions tossed in, not worrying anymore about what he said because it seemed not to matter. 

Finally, Castiel opened one of the notes, seemingly pissed off by the abundance of little piece of papers now stuffing his pocket. Of course it had to be most embarrassing note he had sent so far. Dean dropped his head into his arms, trying to hide the oncoming humiliation.

-.X.-

Jimmy wanted to scream at the asshole who was sending him all these notes. He didn’t even bother opening them since he already knew what they were. It had been a long time since anyone decided he was the person to pick on. 

This hadn’t happened since last year right before school let out. Some of the idiotic jocks on the football team had taken upon themselves, like god himself had given the order, to decimate the inside of his locker. And it wasn’t because they hated him. No, they couldn’t. He had never spoken to them let alone done anything to piss of them off. It wasn’t like Jimmy was poking them with a stick through the bars of their cage. 

The notes that now stuffed his pockets were probably filled with nasty words and hurtful phrases. It always made Jimmy laugh at how childish their attempts to rock his sanity were. But finally he had had enough. He was sick of this little game and if they were taking all this time to continue to bug him he might as well read one. He unfolded the paper and was shocked by what it said. _‘_ I had a dream about you a few days ago…I know it’s wrong but…’ 

Jimmy wasn’t even sure what that meant. A dream about him? He didn’t even want to think about what the person was implying. Jimmy looked around the room, glaring at everyone. But once he noticed Dean Winchester, looking at him with wide eyes and red cheeks, his gaze softened. He pointed down at the note and then to Dean silently asking if it was him. Dean nodded and then rubbed the back of his head in an awkward manner. 

The bell rang and Jimmy could feel Dean’s eyes trail him as he left the room. It was weird the way his stare burned into Jimmy’s skin. He pulled his coat closer towards his body, feeling insecure with the odd leer. Jimmy walked out of the school ignoring all the people around him, completely focused on getting home. 

Mother had book club again today; it had been postponed due to torrential downpour, and she had appointed Uncle Metatron to watch the house while she was away. It must be nice to go gallivanting off to read classic Christian literature. 

At lunch Dean had offered to pay for his lunch again, as he had done every day since the first time, but Jimmy had refused, not being able to stomach the idea of what was surely in store for him when got home. He had never prayed for anything as hard before as he did for it to rain for a few more days. Anything to put off the inevitable. That was something Jimmy had never been able to understand, how his all loving, all powerful God could continue to let this happen to him. He had always considered himself a good person, he went to church every week, prayed every day and wasn’t an addict of any sort. There was a point in his life where he had begun to believe he deserved this punishment but now he realized how sick and twisted his uncle was. 

And when Castiel, not Jimmy, had told his mother what was going on right under her own nose she had blown a fuse. That was how Jimmy found out about Castiel. Jimmy had woken up the next morning sore from head to toe and his mother yelled at him when he showed up downstairs. He had no clue what she had been talking about; Jimmy didn’t remember anything from the time he got home ‘til the time he woke up, which was a common occurrence. So when she started yelling about how he was a liar and a sinner, accusing his own uncle of the unthinkable, Jimmy took the abuse as he did many times after. It took a few choice words before his tears stopped falling altogether.

He started his research then, looking up what was wrong with himself and consulting Dr. Web MD. It wasn’t long until he found the section on MPD/DID and suddenly it all made sense. The lost time and the aching of his body in odd places as well as all the bruises. Luckily, even if his mother now hated him, he knew who was hurting him. Not that he could do anything about it…but at least he knew and now could treat his uncle as he deserved to be treated. Well, that had been his plan. The next time he was alone with Metatron a voice whispered to him, demanding for him to let go, and Jimmy couldn’t stop himself from giving in. Maybe it was because he was not ready to truly face the complete extent of what was happening and Castiel was so much stronger than him...far more broken, but most defiantly stronger. The next time Jimmy ‘woke up’ he was in a sweat soaked bed, all alone, and covered in a sticky liquid that was not his own- which Jimmy had always thought it to be ‘til then. That was when Castiel started changing the sheets and cleaning off the body before releasing his hold. 

Jimmy was really thankful for Castiel’s consideration. Jimmy also felt bad for him. Since Jimmy wasn’t strong enough he made a whole other person to push his own screwed up memories on. Jimmy made another just to ruin them. It was no wonder Castiel was so fucked up. But time and time again Castiel let Jimmy run away whenever that man was near. Castiel did more for him than his own mother. Sure Castiel didn’t take care of their need to eat or sleep most of the time but he fought the monsters and kept him as clean as possible. 

A grey cloud seemed to reside over his once happy childhood home, it just seemed dark from the outside. Something seemed off about the residence. As if all the horrid deeds done in the seemingly perfect house had soaked into the very wood that kept it together. What had started out as a bright pine over time had been soaked with all the screaming, blood, and tears, turning it to dark rosewood. 

Jimmy stepped through the entryway and slowly walked up the stairs, wishing for nothing more than to run up the stairs but also not wanting to cause any sort of commotion to upset his mother. She had developed the tendency to yell. Jimmy could remember a time when both his brother and father were still around…mother had smiled then. It had been a long time since he had thought about them. Jimmy had been close at one point with Gabriel but he had pulled back once the abuse started. It wasn’t until his brother left home to attend college did Cas tell his mother. Somewhere in his mind he was afraid if he told his mother Gabriel would end up hurt. 

Jimmy…Castiel was the only one who got hurt in the end. He pulled his door shut, as softly as possible, his coat getting caught in the door. As he yanked it out all the little pieces of paper came falling out of his pocket, littering the floor. He sat down and started to open them one by one, all with the same sloppy handwriting as the note he had read earlier in English. 

They had cheesy little things on them that Jimmy had heard said around the hallways, most making fun of them.

‘Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.’

‘I’m new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment.’ Jimmy chuckled at how obvious the question was. Did these really work on real people or were their main purpose to make people laugh? Jimmy thought of Dean writing all these things and couldn’t help the smile that came to his face. He knew they were a bit sexual but he knew that with Dean, even if Jimmy was homophobic, it wasn’t as bad…somehow. He wasn’t sure why but having spent a week hanging around Dean, at lunch and whenever they meet in the hallways, Jimmy was pretty sure he had a good idea of the kind of man Dean was.

Dean could be crass without realizing it but he was a good man. Honest, painfully so at times, and caring. One day at lunch Sam, Dean’s younger brother, had come to their table (their?) and said he had forgotten his lunch money. Sam then proceeded to ask Dean if he would forgo his ‘second lunch’ so that he could buy his own. Dean handed the younger Winchester his not yet touched plate and told him to just take it. Sam then wondered why his brother had not given him money and Dean explained that he had been buying Castiel lunch as of late. Sam tried so hard to give the food back but Dean said no and then ignored him. It was pretty adorable but Jimmy had felt bad about it. He pushed his plate over to the hungry man next to him, Dean’s stomach growling. Dean kept the plate between them picking at the food and telling Cas to eat as well. Jimmy didn’t feel right about it, he had gone longer then this with no food before…it was no big deal. Dean ended up jabbing some food with his fork and then ‘airplaned’ it into Jimmy’s mouth. He blushed, hard. Yeah, Dean was a good person. 

‘I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.’ 

‘If I had a nickel every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, then I’d have five cents.’ Jimmy was flattered, this was the first time he had ever had anyone call him beautiful, joking or not. Though he rather be called handsome he also knew these lines were geared towards women. Jimmy felt a weird pulling sensation. 

‘Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all night.’ Jimmy thought back on the first note he had read. That one had defiantly not been one of these silly jokes. Could it be-

The door to his room was pushed open, Metatron looming above him. Jimmy’s eyes went as wide as could be, his mouth hanging open slightly and all thoughts he had previous had completely forgotten about. 

“Why isn’t your room a mess,” his uncle bent down and picked up one of the folded pieces. “Oh, am I dead, angel? Cause this must be heaven! How sweet. What, slutty, Jimmy finally got himself a boyfriend? Does he know how dirty you are? How broken? Wouldn’t that make a great story, can I be there when you tell him? I would love to listen to you narrate it.” The most disgusting smirk sat on his face. 

“He’s a friend, nothing more.” Jimmy glared, trying to stand his ground but as soon as his uncle started to pull down the zipper of his pants, as he reached for more notes, Castiel begged him to leave. It was weird but he could hear a whole other voice in his head demanding he leave. And of course like the scared little kid he was he ran and hid in deepest recess of his mind. 

Castiel stopped glaring and just looked up at Metatron, mouth still hanging open. 

“Look at how well I have taught you. Jerk me off.” He unfolded another piece of paper, bringing it up to his face before looking back down at Cas, waiting for him to continue. Castiel reached up, pulling out a semi limp cock. “Can you touch me so I can tell my friends I’ve been touched by an angel? Ha, how charming.” 

Castiel began to rub whatever was in his hand, his mind already far away…only coming to the present when his uncle read another note. Those nice words that Dean said from such a distasteful mouth…completely disgusting.   
  


Dean had such a nice mouth…plump pink lips. And freckles that covered his nose and cheeks. Cas liked that. Jimmy would too if he wasn’t so scared of people, Castiel just knew it. He wished he could have more time with Dean instead of just blurred memories of the man through Jimmy. Castiel could talk about the bees with Dean, though he did seem more like a dog man. Dogs were nice, loyal, and excitable. Yeah, Dean was a dog man. 

“Suck it. Do you have a mirror in your pocket, because I can see myself in your pants. Been there, done that. Make sure to tell him it’s rather disappointing.”

A large hand gripped the back of his head pulling him forward and forcing a hard cock down his throat. Castiel’s eyes welled up, having not been ready for the sudden intrusion. He felt his scalp move away from his skull, hair nearly being pulled out. For once he had felt the pain. Castiel’s eyes shut tightly, tears streaming down his hot cheeks. He just kept his head as relaxed as possible as it was pushed and pulled off of the moving man. The bees weren’t working…he could still feel the pain and embarrassment. The reason the bees had started had been one extremely unfavorable time when he was younger. It was the first time Metatron had made him go all the way, it was raining and there had been a bee taking shelter from the storm on his windowsill. It amazed Castiel how the little bee was so bright in the darkest of storms and that at the end of it all, that small bee would go straight back to work. Ever since Castiel had wished to be a bee. 

He had finally lost himself in the thoughts and when the train of thought ran out of fuel there was already ejaculation flying towards his face. Castiel held his breath and closed his eyes, already knowing how much that would hurt. 

Still slightly out of breath, while placing away his penis, Metatron laughed out, “I really like this one: are you religious? Cause you are the answer to all my prayers.” He left then, dropping the rest of what was in his hands, some of the papers landing in Castiel’s hair. 

He stood up as soon as the man was down the stairs to go and wash out his mouth. 

[CHAPTER 5]

“Come on, let me drive you home.” Dean pleaded, finally resorting to begging after the tenth rejection. “Please, Cas.”

“Fine,” the tone was as sharp as a new blade, and it wounded him slightly. But nevertheless he led Cas to the Impala, making small talk the whole way. Well, one-sided small talk. It seemed that Castiel was too pissed about his blatant disregard for the many rejections, but he couldn’t stop himself from asking again and again.

Sam was leaning on the hood of the car, hands stuffed in pouch of his hoodie, bewilderment marring his face. “Who’s that?”

“This, my _dear_ brother, is Castiel,” Dean knew the little smirk he had in place forgave calling Sammy ‘dear.’ Sam’s eye twitched in the most pleasing way. Dean worked hard to get that look directed at him. “And Cas this is my little baby brother Sammy.” 

“It’s Sam and I’m almost taller then you.” Sam jumped from the hood of the car, standing up board straight. But unfortunately for him still had a few inches between himself and his older brother. 

“In your dreams,” Dean scoffed as Castiel stood by his side, glancing between the two. For a few moments the two Winchesters were silent, glaring at each other, before finally they broke into fits of laughter and then finally moving on to ask each other how the other’s day had been. 

Sam started to jump into the passenger seat but the look Dean shot him stopped his actions. He motioned for Castiel to take him normal seat, all the while semi-pissed at Dean for allowing someone to take his spot. As soon as the car had changed hands from his father to his brother he was finally allowed to sit shotgun. And sure he still didn’t have any say when it came to music, or much of anything else that had anything to do with the Impala, but it was far better than riding in the back. Fuck Dean for demoting him from commander to midshipman.

But he couldn’t help but regard his replacement with the utmost curiosity. Dean had only mentioned meeting someone new in passing, at the time it hadn’t seemed like his brother would be offering him a ride home. Though he had found it odd that Dean was giving up his second lunch for this guy but upon further interrogation Sam came to see the way Dean’s eyes would soft any time he tried to bring up the subject. And Dean told him to stop the mushy-girly stuff. He also knew Dean was completely unaware of the action. Very peculiar. 

Sam sat in the middle seat for optimal view of both of the older passengers, gaze flitting between them. Analyzing how stiff Castiel was, unsure and uneasy with the slightest flicker of terror whenever Dean would start talking again. He also thought it was weird the way Castiel had angled his body towards the exit, as if almost ready to jump out at any second, with his both hand hidden. But Dean didn’t seem to notice this and continued to ramble on about anything and everything that came to mind. Very peculiar indeed. 

Suddenly, well before he had realized it, they had arrived home and Sam was forced to get out of the car. And by forced he meant the look Dean had given him had made him want to run and hide under his bed. Sam’s pretty-boy older brother sure could be menacing at times. 

Dean could feel the nervousness rolling in waves off of Cas, he had tried to keep it light with Sam around but now that his brother was gone he felt the need to clear the air. “Which way is your house?” 

“You need to go south on I-10 and then take a left at Magnolia St.” Dean could tell from the tone that Cas was a scared little bunny. So much different than the person he had first met. It wasn’t like Dean liked him any less for this but he was worried about the drastic change in personality. As if they were two completely different people. He would have to think down that line of thought later on.

“Are you okay?”

Castiel’s neck cracked at how fast he whipped it around to stare at Dean, eyes wide. “What do you mean?” The tone was hard, harsh, wrong. Dean hated it. 

“You…are acting strange.” Castiel relaxed slightly but it seem extremely forced…it was hard to watch, to see the relaxed position but the tense muscles. “You’re not fooling me, I know you are still not okay.”

“Why are you taking me home? What do you want?” The words were hissed, only slightly, but still the curiosity was true. 

Dean rubbed at his chin as he turned on Magnolia, “Tell me when I need to turn.” Cas nodded and then Dean proceeded to answer the question, “Well now that I know you live so far from school I am glad I decided to drive you. And as for why, well, I wanted to talk to you.” At first Dean had momentarily wondered if it was the right time to talk about this. Probably not but he did want to lie. Dean felt it would be wrong on his part.

“About? Take this right.” Still suspicious. 

“How close are we to your house?” The neighborhood they were driving through now had rows and rows of regal looking houses, but they all were so similar that they seemed cold and uninviting. Dean couldn’t imagine the person he met who cover his face in flowers living in such a place. But then again it wasn’t really up to Castiel was it?

“Are you avoiding the question? Go forward, ten more houses on the left,” there was a strange teasing in the question even though he still sounded angry. 

He pulled into the correct driveway, leaving the engine on, before answering the question. “I wanted to have the car in park when I talked to you.”

“Why?” Blue eyes were squinted with suspicion. 

“I don’t want to risk crashing my baby,” Cas’ eyebrows knitted together in confusion at the words ‘my baby’ but Dean continued on, it was now or never. “I wanted to ask you out.”

Disgust. Absolute disgust. Dean had expected that. He just continued on with a hurt chuckle, “I knew that would be your reaction…but I still hoped. It’s just we get along well and yeah.”

“Sinner,” Castiel spit out. That had hurt like a throbbing wound with a knife stabbed into it. Or something equally as painful, probably more so. And worst of all Dean didn’t know why. 

He already knew that he liked Cas; after all he was the first person he had properly asked out (because according to Sammy taking your booty calls out to new places to have sex wasn’t considered a date). And every time he had tried to relieve some tension at the end/beginning of a long day those impossibly blue eyes haunted him. Even if only to be implanted into busty Asian beauties. Soon after Dean started exploring porn with threesomes with two guys and then gradually evolving to just straight up (pun not intended) gay sex. He could see the appeal but it wasn’t really for him. Those blue eyes were defiantly his type. Though it was stupid to think of certain eyeballs as an absolute type. Dean had gotten lost in the memory of how it all changed for him, the memories of how this person was what he wanted. And sweet deity did he want Castiel in anyway he could get him. 

To bad he was already out of the Impala storming up porch with an older man holding the door open for him. The man stood by the door and watched as Dean pulled out of the driveway with a strange smirk in place the whole time. 

-.X.-

“Dean, wake up,” Mary was calling to him, forcing him to get up, but it was so damn early. Apparently he had said that last part out loud because Mary quickly said, “There is someone here for you…He’s laying out in the grass.”

“What time is it?”

She pulled the covers off of him and he couldn’t suppress a shiver that almost caused him to fall out of bed. At least the sun had yet to rise which would leave his eyes burning. Fuck the sun had yet to rise. Who the hell would be here this early? Dean jumped out of bed, determined to yell at whoever had forced him to get up at this hour on a Saturday. He knew he was handsome but even he needed his beauty sleep. 

He walked down the stairs, still in his boxers and an undershirt. Dean pulled his jacket on before walking out the front door. To Dean’s surprise Castiel was laying in the grass, in his usual wear, hands folded behind his head. Dean couldn’t help the way his anger suddenly drained from his body, being replaced by a small smile. 

As he plopped down in the grass the dew drenched the thin layer of cloth and made it stick to his backside. Then realizing the problem with boxers, Dean laid a careful hand over the crotch of his underwear, he was immensely glad to find they were sewn shut. But he made sure to cross his legs regardless. Dean really regretted his sudden decision to not wear pants. Though in his experience pants did suck.

Castiel looked at him, but it was with the unfocused gaze he had the first time Dean met him. Suddenly a hand was resting on Dean’s knee, giving it a gentle squeeze before softly saying, “I’m sorry.”

Utter befuddlement was the only way to describe what he felt right now. And the only word he could get to come out of his mouth was a strangled, “What?” 

“For yesterday,” Castiel said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, I’m saying sorry for Jimmy.” 

The confusion he felt early was now tenfold, “Jimmy?” 

“Yes, he is…easily frightened.” Apparently he had missed something extremely obvious. Like when you are looking for your keys and they are in your hand.

“I have no clue what you are talking about,” Dean hated to admit it. Really to have missed something he should have seen but he didn’t, he felt like a blind man. 

Castiel sat up and stared at him, head tilted, as he tried to figure out what to say. “Dean, my name is Castiel, and I have only meet you twice. Today and when we met on the hill. I am afraid he will not be pleased with me if I say more. Actually don’t tell him I have said anything; it’s for the better. But trust me when I say, I know he will come around.”

Dean was quiet, staring hard at him, and once again he thought back at the personality differences…there was something he needed to look up. 

“I came here to watch the sunrise with you. I should go.”

Dean pulled at his wrist lightly and softly said, “Stay.” Not knowing what else to do but not wanting to be left with his mind just yet. 

They sat and watched the sun go up, pink, orange, and red dusting the sky. They were silent and everything was nice, the smell of freshly cut grass wafting from somewhere down the street. Dean didn’t want to say anything, he already had too much on his mind and he didn’t want to add to the pile of questions he now had. And when Castiel didn’t refuse his offer to drive him home. Dean did. And on his way back he couldn’t help the flood of worry that assaulted him as he drove away. 

-.X.-

If someone were to look at Dean Winchester’s search history you would see:

‘ _More than one person in one body’_ Which had seemed like a stupid thing at the time to Google. 

_‘More than one personality in one body’_ The results for that had made him slightly worried. 

_‘What is DID/MPD?’_ And that was when he felt like he had come across a life changing secret. 

_‘What causes DID/MPD?’_ There was no proven cause of it but the theory had made him sick to his stomach. The only reason he did hurl right then and there was because his curiosity wouldn’t allow him to move away from the computer screen.

_‘How to help someone with DID/MPD?’_ He ran to Sam’s room momentarily to steal an empty journal. 

_‘How to act towards someone with DID/MPD?’_ Dean had read all the articles, going through them with a fine-toothed comb. Making sure to soak up everything they said. 

And then once he felt like he had done enough research he watched all the documentaries he could find…or tried. Dean couldn’t watch it. It was too much for him to deal with. So he lay in his bed, staring up at the celling, making sure he wasn’t jumping to conclusion as he reanalyzed all his interactions with Castiel (Jimmy?) for the signs. 

Dean deleted his Internet history. Stupid nosey Sammy couldn’t be trusted.

-.X.-

“Mom, can we talk?”

“Of course, honey.” 

Dean had pulled her into his room, sitting down on the bed, eyes completely downcast. Mary sat down next to him, noticing the distress coming from her son. She hated to see any of her boys this way. And as she pulled him into her bosom he let out a heavy sigh. He would never grow old in her eyes. Dean would always be her little baby boy. Mary rubbed his back, trying to comfort him into telling her what was wrong. They sat like that for a while and she didn’t push, just saying little reassurances. 

Finally Dean spoke up, “Mom, I found someone who I want to be with…”

She kissed the top of his head before saying, “What is her name?” Dean went tense, she had made a misstep somewhere… Oh. “What is his name?”

“I don’t know…” There was something off about the statement. Obviously Dean knew…but what was she missing? “I think he has MPD, mom, I don’t know what to do.” 

Mary Winchester had not expected that. She knew what it was, and she knew what caused it. Of course she did, she was a nurse. And now the way Dean was letting her hold him made sense. He also obviously knew as well. All she could do was pull him in closer. She wanted to protect her son and the person who had, most likely unbeknownst to him, broke through to her baby. Mary wanted to hold them both and set up play dates. If only it was that simple. “You should invite him over.”

“I already asked him out, well one of them. He called me a sinner, I knew he would but…I needed to tell him. And then earlier-“

“The boy from earlier?” She wished she‘d gotten a better look at him when she had followed John to the door this morning. All Mary could remember was dark hair and a trench coat. 

“Yeah, earlier he came by but he said his name was Castiel and the person I had been talking to at school was Jimmy. He came to apologize from him. He told me to wait and that Jimmy hadn’t meant it. I don’t know what to do.” Mary held on to him tighter, pulling him closer and continuing to rub circles into his tense back. 

“Dean, I am going to have to warn you, if you really want to be with him you can’t just change your mind, and it’s going to be hard work. It may take years for you to ever be with him. Truly he might never be ready for that. The best thing you can do is to be his friend. I don’t want you to get hurt but in this case…I really need you to be a man. Please Dean if you care about this person, think about this carefully before you do anything.” Dean looked at her, with hurt in his eyes and she couldn’t help but feel horrible about what she said. But Mary Winchester knew it was necessary. She kissed Dean’s forehead and he sighed. 

“I know, mom…I want to be there for him.” 

  
  


[CHAPTER 6]  
  


“Okay, so my mom is really nice but do as she says or else. Dad is…Sam what is dad like?” Dean looked at Sammy through the rear view mirror. Jimmy sat in the passenger’s seat, currently being informed about how to act around the Winchester parents.

Sam rubbed the side of his face, eyebrows knitted together in thought. “Um, he might seem serious but he is really just a big softie. Really, if he looks angry he isn’t, well at least for the most part.” Jimmy could deal with angry. 

“Oh, and don’t talk politics, they don’t agree and it will make them to fight.” Sam jumped in nodding at every word Dean said, they both laughed at the memories of it but Jimmy didn’t see how yelling was something to chuckle at. 

Sam leaned to rest his arm on the back of Jimmy’s seat before saying, “Don’t worry, just be yourself.” 

Dean turned off the car, officially shutting off the music. Jimmy wasn’t sure how he felt about it at this time. It had been loud and caused his heart to race but he felt like it could grow on him with time. Maybe he only thought that because Dean had so fondly sang along and Jimmy wanted to be able to join in the merriment.

Dean walked over to Jimmy’s side of the car, pulling the door open and poking his head in. “You coming?” 

“Yeah, sorry I just got lost in thought,” Jimmy grabbed the outstretched hand, Dean pulling his body out of the car easily. They walked up the set of stairs that lead to the front door, Sam already inside pulling off his shoes. Dean hung his jacket on a hook directly above the row of shoes, so Jimmy took off his own because it seemed like the right thing to do. 

He rubbed the back of his leg with his foot nervously as Dean shouted out, “Mom, we’re back! I hope you don’t mind I brought a friend.” 

Mary came running around the corner, eyes looking expectantly towards Jimmy with a small smile sat on her face. Mary walked up to Jimmy with one hand out, waiting for him to introduce himself. 

“Hello, Mrs. Winchester, my name is Castiel.” Jimmy grasped her hand, it was soft and small but she had one hell of a grip. She nearly shook his arm off.

Mrs. Winchester’s eyes went wide and she looked to Dean, and he shook his head, blush dusting his cheeks, and then her gaze darted back to Jimmy. There was something they had said in that look, something that only Dean and Mary shared, Jimmy really wondered what it was. “What a gorgeous name. You can call me Mary.” 

Jimmy blushed. Mary thought the name he chose for himself was ‘gorgeous.’ For once he liked the name he had subconsciously chosen. The only reason that he went by Castiel all the time was because of times like when he and Dean first met. Castiel was stubborn when it came to being called that. He would get extremely upset when anyone called him Jimmy. And Jimmy felt as if he owed Castiel at least that much, after all the things his other did for him, he owed him at least a name. But to now hear that someone really liked the name, and that it wasn’t odd or weird, he liked being called it. It wasn’t annoying. 

“It’s really nice to meet you.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you as well,” Mary was still holding on to his hand, looking back and forth between her oldest son and him. 

Dean grabbed his mother gently and directed her back into the living room as he said, “Okay, mom please don’t scare him…” Dean whispered something to his mom while Jimmy and Sam stood in the doorway watching the whole scene, both confused. Mary hugged her son and then Dean walked back into the hallway before leading Jimmy up to his room. 

“I’m sorry if it’s a little messy,” was all Dean said before Jimmy was exposed to the craziness that was Dean’s room. Jimmy momentarily wished he had had more of a warning. Posters covered the walls from floor to ceiling, papers littered the room, and there were cups on every available surface. The only part of the room that was neat was Dean’s bed, the pillows were organized and the blankets were free of wrinkles. 

Dean went and laid back on his bed, his knees touching the edge of the mattress, his feet rubbing the carpet underneath them. Jimmy stood in front of Dean awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. This was the first time he had really ever been over to anyone’s house, sure he had had play dates when he was younger but they had all been with members of the church. Dean leaned up on his elbows to look at Jimmy, before patting the covers next to him. “Come here.”

Jimmy sat and then slowly dropped down into the covers, staring at the ceiling covered in posters. He hadn’t really paid any attention to the wall coverings before…many of them had cars, and some with bands that he didn’t know but quite a few of them where of scantily clad, or naked women. His face went beet red and Jimmy closed his eyes tightly, he felt really uneasy with the posters. 

Dean looked at him, confused with the sudden look of disgust. “Is there something wrong?”

Jimmy turned to look at Dean but the space between them was so small that there noses were almost touching. Dean blushed but Jimmy put his hand over his eyes when he saw the naked women posing behind Dean. 

Dean pried apart Cas’ fingers so that he could look into those blue eyes, searching for what was wrong. Castiel’s eye darted behind him and he followed the line of sight, landing on Mrs. November. Dean covered Cas’ hand, not wanting the man to see the picture. “I’m sorry…I-“ He wasn’t able to finish what he was going to say, his mind too preoccupied with how kissable Cas’ lips looked. But he didn’t act on his wants…Dean didn’t want to scare Castiel away. He wanted to be able to take what he wanted and Castiel to also want it. 

“It’s okay Dean, you’re a young adult male. I’m sure you have needs.” Cas’ voice let Dean know he was judging him in the cruelest way. To think that little of him. Dean felt extremely bad for the degrading photos, though he thought for a moment there that his mother would be proud of him for this sudden realization. Dean would have to tell her about this discovery. 

“Time for dinner boys,” Mary was leaning on the doorframe, one hand on her hip and a smug smile on her face. Dean glared at her, luckily for him Castiel couldn’t see the face she was pulling. His mom winked at him before leaving to go and bother Sam. 

Dean looked back at Cas realizing he was still holding his hand, he helped him out of bed and down the stairs, help meaning Dean made sure Cas didn’t get lost by holding his hand the whole way. 

Jimmy didn’t try to pull out of Dean’s hold, far too transfixed with the warmth of another person without the pain known to him until now. To be touched without it hurting was a rush he hadn’t felt in a while. So, he held on as well. They made their way through the living room and into the dinning area. There was a man who Jimmy could only assume was Mr. Winchester, sitting at the head of the table. Dean pulled him along to stand in front of the man. “This is my Dad, Dad this is Castiel.” 

“Ah, Castiel, the names John,” Mr. Winchester stood up, hand out ready and waiting. Dean passed off Jimmy’s hand to his father. John’s shake was firm but far less aggressive then Mrs. Winchester’s, Jimmy was pretty sure if he thought about it for longer that would mean something. 

And even if he was extremely uncomfortable with being around a full grown man, around people he didn’t really know at all, he felt more at ease here than in his own house. There was something about this home that made him feel safe, Jimmy wasn’t sure if it was how welcoming the Winchester were, with all their smiles and soft eyes, or if it was the way they all seemed so honest and caring. They accepted him into their home with open arms and were going to feed him, all the while unknowingly keeping him away from his problems. 

They all sat down, Jimmy sitting right next to Dean and across from Mary’s seat. Mrs. Winchester carried in a large pot, Sam behind her with another. She then brought a third, smaller pot. Whatever it all was, it sure smelt delicious. Jimmy had long fended for himself, ‘cooking’ his own meals. Well, if making sandwiches, cutting fruit, warming up microwave meals or ramen counted as cooking. And it had been years since he had sat down at a meal like this, shared a meal with others. His mother had eaten in her room since father had left. 

Mary pulled the lids off the pots, there was rice, green beans and some kind of stew. She served herself and then motioned for Jimmy to go. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was ‘til the intoxicating smell hit him. He shyly heaped rice onto his plate, making a large dip in the middle like Mrs. Winchester had. Jimmy then scooped the stew up and placed it in the rice, he then moved on to the green beans taking a nice serving. 

He waited until everyone was served, waiting for prayer to start…but to his surprise the all started digging in, not even bowing their heads. Jimmy slowly took his own bite, reveling in the rebellion that came with not praying before dinner. As he dug in he moaned, really moaned, as the food hit his tongue. Everyone else at the table had stopped their movements to look at him. He blushed when he finally realized the noises that came out of his own mouth. “I’m sorry…It’s just the best thing I ever tasted-”

“No, don’t worry about it, it’s okay.” John soothed and then went back to eating, everyone following suit. He really was a big softie. 

This was the best thing he had ever tasted, Jimmy didn’t know what it was but he could eat it every day of his life. The stew was creamy with chunks of beef and mushrooms and went perfectly with the rice. He didn’t even try to control the sounds emanating from himself, Jimmy was too content with the feeling that ran through every inch of his body. From his head to his toes he felt unbelievably happy. Jimmy never wanted to leave. 

“Slow down dear, you can have as much as you want but you don’t need to make yourself sick. Okay?” Mary looked worried and it was only because of this worry that he even listened to her in the first place. He could see all the food still in the pots and it eased his want to finish his first plate as fast as possible. 

“Sorry, okay,” it was physically hard to slow down his consumption but the last thing he wanted to do was ‘give back’ this amazing food. So, he went slowly, chewing each bite completely and when he was done with all the food on his plate he got seconds. And then thirds. He thought momentarily of fourths but Mrs. Winchester brought a pie to the table. Which he found to be completely amazing. 

After dinner Mary gave him Tupperware container full of leftovers on the way out. Dean opened the Impala door for him while bowing, which made Jimmy chuckle as he slid into the car. The engine revved and the music started playing, Dean tapped away on the top of the steering wheel. Jimmy got lost in content little sighs the fell from his mouth the whole way to his house. But as soon as they arrived he felt nervousness unlike any other. Jimmy hadn’t told his mother where he was planning on going but he hoped she didn’t care about him enough to be mad. That would work out perfectly. 

“Do you wanna come over tomorrow?” 

The words shot out of his mouth like a bullet, “Oh god yes.” 

-.X.-

“Mrs. Winchester,--“ Jimmy started after the first bite of food hit his tongue. Perfectly cooked steak sat in front of him alongside mashed potatoes and asparagus. It was heavenly. 

“Mary,” she corrected as she casually smirked at him. 

“You’re an amazing cook.” Jimmy praised as he cut another piece of steak before humming while he chewed. He could feel Dean watching him, they were sitting so close and Jimmy knew all of the Winchesters had realized this closeness but none of them commented. It made Jimmy feel better to not see them judge his growing dependency on being close to Dean. He wasn’t sure how it had started, probably from the first time they were at lunch together, but now Jimmy found himself completely relaxed with almost all of his guards down around him. They sat with their legs joining at their inside knees all the way down to their feet. And every once in a while Dean would put part of his foot on top of Jimmy’s. Jimmy was thankful for the thin socks that they both wore, it just seemed like touching bare feet was extremely intimate. He blushed for even thinking about it to this extent. 

When they finished dinner Mary and John took the dishes into the kitchen and Jimmy sat at the table and rubbed his stomach while Dean watched him. “Hey you wanna stay a little longer and play a board game?” Dean’s body was completely open towards Jimmy, legs spread and arms wide, this sight stirred something within him but he wasn’t sure what. Jimmy felt dirty…like he need to a nice hot shower to shake whatever Dean had roused in him. 

“Sure,” he needed to stop sounding so excited at Dean offering him more time away from his house. Jimmy knew if the other knew what was happening Dean would realize how filthy he was. Dean was a good man and probably wouldn’t stop being his friend just because of his new found outlook on Jimmy but Jimmy was sure it would make Dean look at him differently, treat him differently. And if there was one thing Jimmy had it was his pride. If Dean was ever to treat him like a helpless child he was sure he would break. Jimmy would fall from the pedestal Dean had place him on and shatter. He knew Dean thought of him as special by the way he had so openly asked him out, despite knowing about the homophobia, and then forgave him and asked Jimmy to come to his house. There was something seriously wrong with the way Dean perceived him. At least that’s what Jimmy thought of the whole situation. 

Dean went and retrieved a box from a cabinet in the living room, Sam following him like a puppy about to go out for a walk. It was endearing how much Sam looked up to his big brother. Maybe if he had done the same with Gabriel they would have also had that close of a relationship. Mary and John joined the boys at the table without question. Mary simply clapping her hands in excitement and John smiling fondly at her semi-childish act. 

They spread out the board while Sam insisted the banker should be himself. No one fought against him, and then they let Jimmy pick out his playing piece first. He favored the top hat. Dean went over all the rules with Jimmy and he listened and nodded when appropriate. Jimmy went first, rolling and landing on a six. He then quickly bought up the property. They played for a while, and Jimmy was undoubtedly winning. 

Dean would call it beginner’s luck, in fact he did. He kept landing on Castiel’s properties and though he took it with an honest light-heartedness he couldn’t help his competitive side kicking in. He was almost bankrupt so when Cas finally got his due justice, in the form of landing on ‘go to jail,’ Dean couldn’t help just to say it as seriously as possible. “Cas, you’re going to jail.”

He immediately regretted when he saw Cas’ smile fall, a look of utter confusion on his face. Dean wanted to hug him and say that he was only joking and that he was so sorry for being so horrible. Then in the most pitiful voice Dean had ever heard Castiel questioned, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no…Cas, I’m sorry. Don’t worry about it.” Dean placed a large hand on Castiel’s shoulder, squeezing lightly, to try and show that in some form he had regretted his words. 

Mary smiled and John rolled his eyes but, not to his surprise, Sam had to ruin it by opening his big fat mouth and saying, “But somebody has to go…” Stupid Sammy.

Dean moved his own piece to the proverbial jail cell, Sam giving him a little smirk and Dean responded by using Sammy’s own trademark bitch face against him. Dean liked to think he pulled it off pretty well. 

He glared at Cas when with the next roll he landed on Park Place and with the next, Boardwalk. Damn lucky bastard. And with that Castiel officially sealed the fate of the game. Of course he won and Dean was slightly peeved at the fact that he had lost but he was beyond happy with how ecstatic Cas was at his new status of house champion. He even got an extra piece of pie.

Dean’s father patted Castiel’s back and his mom gave him a big, suffocating squeeze on their way out, but not before providing him with more leftovers. He started up his baby, watching Cas out of the corner of his eyes. He was growing more comfortable with being in Dean’s car, he was now relaxed, resting his cheek against the window. He had even started tapping the beat to tunes he recognized, which of course made Dean pleased with himself. Their rides were always silent but Cas broke this tradition as Dean pulled into his neighborhood. 

“Dean, I have to tell you something…” his hands were nervously rubbing up and down his pant-clad legs. 

“Then tell me, you don’t have to hide anything from me.” If only Dean knew the weight to the words he had just used. 

Castiel’s eyes showed the sudden hurt but Dean had miss out on the slightest of flickers. “I’m sorry Dean, I have to confess to something…I have played Monopoly before.” 

Honestly, Dean was mad for a few seconds but then he couldn’t help laughing at how guilty Cas looked. So innocent. “Don’t ever change, Castiel.” 

Castiel looked at him with confusion as he said goodbye and got of the car. 

That wasn’t the reaction Jimmy had expected at all.

-.X.-

“Are you seriously saying you have never, _never_ , played a video game?” Dean looked at him with complete and utter disbelief. Jimmy hadn’t meant to offend Dean when he said he had never played C.O.D. and then when Dean asked what games he did play Jimmy had made the mistake of saying ‘monopoly?’ It had caused Dean to start gaping like a goldfish. It had also made his right eye squint in the oddest of ways but Jimmy thought it best not to bring it up. 

“No, Dean, I have never played a video game.” His mother and father had thought they were the devils work. But then they had liked shows such as Godfather it wasn’t until he was older did he realize that they were hypocrites. 

“Okay, we’re going to fix that. I promise you will know the joy of hours of mindlessly bashing stuff. Nothing to freak out over.” Jimmy wanted to say that he wasn’t the one who had ‘freaked out’ but he didn’t want to hurt Dean. After what he had done last night he couldn’t. Jimmy had intended to make Dean mad. He should have known such a petty thing wouldn’t shake Dean. His plans to throw himself off the pedestal had been thwarted. 

Dean led him into the living room, Sam following closely after his own bout of shock. Really, they could be so odd. Dean went and turned on one of the black boxes sitting in front of the T.V. and then popped a disk in. He came back with a controller. Dean sat down on the couch and patted the space between his legs. Jimmy gave him a questioning look. “I’m going to teach you how to play.” Obviously Dean didn’t see anything wrong with the situation. So Jimmy sat down on the edge of the couch, nested in between Dean’s legs. 

Dean pulled Jimmy back slightly, making him tense up. It felt weird to have his back pressed up against somebodies chest like this. He could feel Dean’s body expand with every breath and he could help but become conscious with his inhales and exhales. Jimmy accidentally synced up intake of air, freaking himself out slightly. And what was worse was that he could feel Dean’s breath hit the back of his neck. It made him shiver.

The game started with interesting music as well as opening screen. Jimmy was immediately enamored with the game, from the look of the character design to the unfolding backstory. When he finally got a hold of his character Dean reached around him and placed his hands on top of Jimmy’s. He then guided his fingers on the controls, teaching him what each ones did and telling him the ones he would never use. It was exceedingly hard for him to concentrate on anything Dean was saying but somehow he pulled it off. The game started off with trivial tasks, only asked of the player so they can get comfortable with the game, which Jimmy did with the ease and precision of a seasoned veteran. At least that what’s what Dean had said, Sam was too busy trying to backseat game by telling him where to go, who to talk to, and what to grab. Dean finally got fed up with his brother, “Shut the fuck up, he is playing.”

Mary had been quietly moving around the kitchen until she heard the profanity leave her son’s mouth. She walked up behind Dean, leaning over the couch to say, “Watch your language,” before hitting the back of his head and leaving. Dean chuckled against Jimmy’s neck, having been knocked forward with his lips now on sensitive skin. Jimmy could easily debate that was no way Dean had gotten that close because of the light push alone but he wasn’t about to do anything with Sam blissfully ignorant to the current situation. He was too fixated on the screen. 

Which reminded Jimmy, he was playing a video game. Dean had called it a button mashing game and now he knew why. There was a giant black figure on the screen; the island he had been on was now covered in sand. Jimmy wasn’t quite sure what was going on but he knew he had to defeat the dark mass. 

Sadly, he lost. The main character was then warped into a whole new dimension, he could only assume, and then there was an odd character and its presents confused Jimmy to no end. “Dean, why is there a talking duck?”

“Are you serious?” The disbelief that was in Dean’s voice early was now tripled. It seem like he might go into some kind of heart failure if Jimmy confirmed, so he just nodded his head then let it fall in shame. 

Dean reached around and grabbed his chin so they could look at each other, Jimmy squirming under the gaze and closeness. “You poor thing…you’ve had a deprived childhood.” He then looked to his brother who seemed to have the same sadness in his eyes and said, “Sammy, we have to teach him about Disney too.”

Dean leaned back into the back of the couch, letting Jimmy play the rest of the night by himself. But he had a sneaking suspicion Dean was not watching the screen.

They introduced “The Little Mermaid” to him after dinner, and now he wanted to yell at his mother for never letting him watch movies…real movies that didn’t have a religious agenda. Jimmy had never thought they could be so good. Sure everyone had raved about them throughout his school life and he had caught parts of the conversations as he passed by in the hallways but now he wanted to see all of them he could. 

Luckily for him Dean promised to watch more together as Jimmy got out of the car. Nothing could ruin the high he felt as he drifted up the stairs. Not even his uncle being there alone. 

-. X. -

When Dean suggested Jimmy go hang in the kitchen with his mother while he took a bath Jimmy was over-joyed. Partly because the ride home with Dean had been horrid; they had to drive with the windows down, but mainly because he enjoyed spending time with Mrs. Winchester. She was kind…and Jimmy couldn’t help but want to be in her presence. So when Dean rushed up the stairs Jimmy confidently walked into the kitchen, having lost all sense of ‘I’m a guest don’t wander.’ 

“Hello, Castiel,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him in a comforting hug. He really did love these. “What can I do for you sweetie?”

“Dean’s taking a shower, he suggested I come help you with dinner.” 

“It’s always nice to have an extra hand around the kitchen.” 

Jimmy was handed an apron and a knife and pointed in the direction of a cutting board with two onions sitting on it. He steadied his hand and chopped the first one in half. Apparently he had done something wrong, and he couldn’t help the arm that came up to protect his face when Mrs. Winchester came rushing up to his side from refrigerator. 

She had obviously seen the scared little boy that he was because Mary cooed that it was okay before telling him that you had to remove three layers of the onion and then cut it. She now knew something was wrong but she didn’t questioned him, just telling him he was doing an amazing job now that he had got it right. 

But then Jimmy ran into another roadblock, onions burn the crap out of your eyes. It was a truly horrible revelation. His plans to reach up and rub at his eyes were halted when Mary grabbed his wrists. “Don’t rub your eyes, it will only make it worse.” Mrs. Winchester popped a piece of minty gum into his mouth, instructing him to chew and then wiping away a few stray tears, holding his face steady with her hands. She looked into his eyes for a long while and then she walked away after kissing his forehead. It hurt, so bad…to be so jealous of your best friend because of their mom. 

“Are you okay Cas?” Dean stepped into the doorway, hair still dripping. Apparently his eyes were red. 

Before Jimmy could say anything Mrs. Winchester cut in and said, “Onions.” Dean made a little hum of recognition and went to sit down. 

Mrs. Winchester taught him how to fully cook spaghetti with meat sauce. She let him do everything, just instructing him and asking him what else he wanted to put in it. She didn’t even argue when he wished to put wine and shredded carrots into it. Though the carrots had been more of a test to see how far he could push it, Mary had just smiled and said it was an amazing idea since her boys could always use more veggies. Dean watched the whole thing from the table silently. And when dinner was done Jimmy brought the food to the table, excited to see what everyone thought of his cooking. 

Dean proudly announced that this was his new favorite food and made his mother promise to only let Castiel cook it. Broken promises would be the death of Jimmy. 

Regardless of how Dean felt everyone else seemed to truly enjoy the food, coming back for seconds and everything. Jimmy had the strongest urge to cook for them again. If only he knew how. 

Dean kissed his cheek goodbye and he didn’t even flinch…he couldn’t tell if this was a good or bad thing. 

-.X.-

Jimmy had missed all of the Winchesters over the weekend so when Monday rolled around he found himself walking with a little more pep in his step. 

“Boys let’s play some football,” John called to them on his way out of the back door. Jimmy found it weird that he didn’t feel uncomfortable around Mr. Winchester. Normally he was skittish around men especially when they were older. Not that John was old. But the way he looked at his wife and the way he treated sons, himself included, eased his worries. Dean and Sam had obviously been taught how to be so polite and caring by their parents. It helped that John never leered or glared at him, he would just smile fondly. Mary had told Jimmy it had to do with not being the shortest man in the home anymore. Jimmy took it in stride.

Dean tossed Jimmy his shoes and then went to join his dad. Sam and Jimmy followed, making easy conversation the whole way. He liked Sam, he was extremely intelligent and it was nice to have someone to talk with about historical occurrences. They had been talking about biblical Jerusalem in the Impala and now they picked up the conversation. Really, he had some pretty interesting views, like: The bible had been a good story with good morals at the time that was taken extremely out of context. 

Of course Jimmy had denied that like any good Christian would have done but then Sam said something that struck a chord in him. “Some of the best lies have just enough true mixed in with them to make them seem real. Like, Dean likes wearing women’s panties. I found a pair his size in his sock drawer.” Mary had of coursed shushed her son and then giggled, finding what Sam had said too funny to properly scold him. Jimmy found it hard to look Dean in the face when they walked out the back door.

John and Dean were tossing around the ball and Sam ran out to join them. Jimmy sat on the back porch and watched them all run around, John was the first to notice his absence. “Come on,” he waved Jimmy over. The only problem was he didn’t know how to play, so he shook his head so that they may continue. Mr. Winchester tossed the ball to his sons and jogged over to where Jimmy was sitting. 

“You’re not going to join us?” Jimmy admired how gruff but kind the voice was. He hated to disappoint the older man but…he didn’t want to embarrass himself. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how…”

“Your father never taught you?” People where always confused when he told them he didn’t know how to do something his father should have taught him. Like shaving. When he started he cut himself constantly, now he just trimmed it keeping a constant five-o-clock shadow. 

“My father is a traveling preacher, I don’t really know him.”

Mr. Winchester placed a strong hand on his shoulder, pushing him off of the edge of the porch. “I’ll teach you, son.” Jimmy knew that ‘son’ was a common thing for an adult man to call a younger man but this felt different. Like he was now being taken under the wing of John, being given someone to teach him all the things he had missed out on. Actually that’s what it felt like with Mary too. 

John shooed his boys, making them go sit down on the porch to watch. He took Jimmy out into the middle of the yard, holding the football in his hand showing Jimmy how to do it. John handed it over and then corrected Jimmy’s fingers to make sure he was doing it right. He then took the ball back and explained how to throw it. It seemed easy enough. So he tried and failed. John reassuring him the whole time while telling him about how bad Sam had been at first, apparently they had to fix two of the neighbor’s windows. 

When he finally got the throw down, John taught him how to catch the ball, which was far easier. Dean was smiling at him and Jimmy felt so proud of his accomplishment it was almost sinful. Dean did that often…smile at all the new things Jimmy learned. It was stressful but nice. 

Sam and Dean came back to join them. But before anyone could do anything John declared, “Castiel is on my team.” Placing a hand on his claim. John did that a lot…place a comforting hand on people’s shoulders. It was almost a hug.

Dean let out an exasperated sigh and said, “Fine, I’ll take Sammy.” Mr. Winchester chuckled while Sam did his ‘bitch face’ as Dean would call it. Jimmy loved how the three bantered, but he loved it more when he was part of it. 

The rules where explained to him in the simplest terminology they could muster, they took their football seriously. And off they went, Jimmy was more or less just running around to begin with but John soon tossed him the ball and he ran like wildfire, trying to get to the other side of the yard. Which he did. John whooped and danced about, playfully trash talking his sons and praising his own team. 

This went on and on, John tackling one of his boys and then threw the ball to Jimmy. Jimmy would then force his legs to move as fast as possible to reach the other side of the yard with someone on his tail. 

Dean apparently got sick of this, and jumped on Jimmy from the front, tackling him before he could get the ball. Butterflies assaulted his stomach, the horrid feeling of falling, and Jimmy waited for the pain to come. It didn’t hit him full force as he realized Dean had one hand cradling the back of his head and the other arm wrapped around his back.

It was nice of Dean to be so gentle with him, he always was. He didn’t even mind the fact that Dean was on top of him, it all seemed so sweet. A while back he would have freaked out about having anyone this close to him…more likely Castiel would’ve taken over. 

Dean looked down between them, his hair hitting Jimmy’s face, and turned red as a tomato. Then looking back into Jimmy’s eyes, he was searching for something. Whatever he had thought he would see he did, but apparently it also wasn’t what he wanted. 

Dean’s fingers started to card through his hair, but when Mr. Winchester mumbled out, “If it’s what makes you happy,” Dean jumped up like lightening then pulled Jimmy up next to him. 

Sam started to tease Dean about how red his face was, nudging Jimmy and joking about it with him. It was amazing how accepting the Winchesters were. Sure dinner was quieter that evening than usual but it was all Dean’s fault. He stabbed all off his food as if trying to murder it. 

Not even the after dinner showing of “The Lion King” brought a smile to his face. Not that Jimmy had really been paying any attention to anything other then the movie. It was great. 

He only eased up on the ride over to Jimmy’s house, “I’m sorry about what happened back there…I didn’t mean to make it-“

“It’s okay,” Jimmy cut of Dean, really he had nothing to be sorry, he was so honest and Jimmy kept many things from him. 

“It’s okay?” Disbelief marred his face, really Dean looked best with a wide smile. 

“Yes,” Jimmy wasn’t sure to what he had just agreed to but it was true. He hadn’t minded as much as he would like to say. Jimmy got out of the car with only a short goodbye, not wanting to promise to anything else he didn’t know the meaning of tonight.

His mother was out shopping when he got back, he had done a pretty good job avoiding her as of late. Unfortunately, she didn’t like leaving the house unattended so she often left Metatron in charge. And his uncle was extremely harsh that evening, if what he woke up to was any indication. 

-.X.-

John and Mary left soon after the Impala full of young men arrived. “Money’s on the counter, you know our numbers, try not to burn down the house.” Though she was joking there was some seriousness in her eyes.

“That was one time!” Dean shouted from the couch. 

As his parents were out the door and down the street, Sam grabbed the phone and dialed a pizza place, ordering pepperoni for all of them. Jimmy remembered a few times where Gabriel had snuck pizza into the house when mother was out…those were some good memories. His mother’s eating schedule was set in stone. It was the same thing every week, salad, plain pasta and salad, sandwiches and fruit salad, fish, rice and meat, casserole, and then more salad. All those things by the age of ten tasted like ash in his mouth. Pizza was a welcome change, though he’d much rather have Mrs. Winchester’s cooking. 

“Cas, pick a movie!” Dean yelled from the top of the stairs, he was currently on his way to change into pajamas. 

Jimmy moved to stand in front of the bookcase in the living room that was full of DVDs and VHS’ as well as the Winchester’s family game night collection. Just the massive amount of money they must have spent on entertainment things alone left Jimmy in awe. He barely recognized any of them, recognizing some of them from what he had heard in passing conversations. But there was one set of movies that stood out to him, Harry Potter. Jimmy had heard raving reviews his whole life about both the movies and books. His curiosity in the series had always been that of a cat. 

Dean was then calling him from the top of the stairs; Jimmy pulled out the first movie and rested it on the coffee table before jogging up the steps. He was waiting for him in his bedroom doorway, waving Jimmy in. “Here,” Dean grunted as he thrust a pile of clothes into Jimmy’s waiting arms. “I thought you might be more comfortable, these were the smallest size I could find.”

Jimmy didn’t know why that had hurt a little. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to be small, fragile, in Dean’s eyes. He wanted to be seen as a man…not a little boy. Sure, Jimmy had noticed the weight gain around his wrists, calves, and hips. It also felt so much nicer to sit down. There wasn’t much he could do to change how Dean saw him at this point in time, or at least how Jimmy though the other perceived him, so he let go of his hurt ego. And as he walked into the middle of Dean’s room, preparing to change, Dean hung around by the door…staring. “Um, Dean, could you leave?”

He sputtered and blushed before slamming the door closed on his way out. Jimmy waited ‘til he heard hurried footsteps rushing down the staircase. Then he pulled off his clothes, holding the sweat pants up to his body. Dean seemed so much bigger now. Once the pants were settled on his hips they quickly started to slide down, he pulled the strings until it was tight, securing it. The t-shirt that Dean had handed him smelt exactly like the man. The fabric was soft and hung off his body, Jimmy couldn’t help but to bring it up to his nose to take in the scent. When Jimmy had been on the bed, the first day he had spent the afternoon with the Winchesters, he had noticed the over-whelming smell of old leather, motor oil, and something earthy that screamed Dean. He enjoyed it maybe a little too much.

Jimmy folded up his own clothes before heading down the stairs to join the brothers just as the pizza arrived. The boxes were placed on the coffee table with care and Sam popped the movie into the DVD player. Dean automatically complained that he had already seen this one like a hundred times, and he looked at Cas as if expecting the same reaction. 

One side of Jimmy’s mouth pulled down, briefly debating whether or not to tell Dean the truth, “I’ve never seen it.” Dean had apparently gotten used to the feeling of shock when it came to Jimmy, he just nodded his head while pinching the bridge of his nose. He then quickly tried to explain in the least amount of words that his parents were religious nuts who had a problem with anything that could be considered “pop-culture.” 

Sam was spread out on the larger couch, a plate of pizza resting on his chest, leaving Jimmy with no choice in where to sit other than the spot next to Dean on the loveseat. What a stupid thing to call a couch. He was handed a plate with three pieces on it, Jimmy was surprised that Sam had ordered two large pizzas but the Winchester boys alone had already devoured half of one. Like always the first bite of food was the most appetizing, except for when it came to Mrs. Winchester’s, by the second piece it was rather blasé. Not to mention the burn now on the roof of his mouth that ruined every bite. Dean had almost died when Jimmy had tried to dab away the grease, he had said it added flavor. 

Jimmy finished off his pieces in time for the beginning logo, he hand stilled on the way to pull out another piece but the intro had him enchanted. Every second that went by, revealing the story little by little, left him wanting more. How had he missed this not been part of his childhood? Why had his parents kept him from his? Only one answer came to his mind: Pure evil. 

He just wanted to scream at the screen when he saw how the Dursleys treated poor Harry, Jimmy’s fists clenched. Suddenly there was a reassuring hand resting on his shoulder. He was grateful for the small comfort. 

Jimmy’s neck started to go stiff because of the angle the couch was at in relation to the television. He turned to Dean, asking him to pause the movie. He did so with a raised eyebrow. “Dean, my neck hurts…” Jimmy hated to seem whiny but it hurt so badly it felt as if his neck would snap in two. 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, as he often did when thinking, before placing his back against the arm of the chair with his arm resting on the back of the couch and his leg pulled up. Jimmy saw his opening, letting his body relax into Dean. He didn’t care, he just wanted to movie back on.

As time went on and Jimmy fell more and more in love with this missing piece of childhood his body went completely slack against the warm body beneath his. Jimmy would only remember his position whenever Dean wiggled slightly to get more comfortable. But he had no time to think about that…Snape was currently being a right bloody git. Jimmy had even learned a few new words. How educational.

By the end of the movie Jimmy practically begged Sam to move his lazy bones to get up and put on the second movie. Being too comfortable to move himself. Unfortunately Dean made him to put a pillow behind his aching back. Which made Jimmy feel bad momentarily but then he disregarded it. Dean slide farther down, more laying than sitting, forcing Jimmy to follow but in the end this sure did make for a more relaxed position. 

And then at the end of the “Chamber of Secrets,” Ginny now safe and sound, Jimmy felt the obsessive need to watch the next one. So many questions, so little time. Though he was glad that as a new fan he would never have to wait a year or so for new movies/books. But then again there would never be more. Jimmy didn’t mean to ask but the words left his mouth before he could process them coming out. “How are the books?” He hadn’t asked anyone in particular, now just hoping for the answer. 

“I think they are far better than the movies. There’s just so much more to them, though the movies are a great representation.” Sam chewed at his thumb. 

Jimmy quickly sat up, the hand that had been resting on his abdomen falling limply to his crotch. He didn’t have time to bother with Dean’s sputters of embarrassment, as he quickly jumped up to join Sam on his couch. “Really?”

“Really,” Sam looked as excited as he felt about the whole thing.

Dean watched fondly as the two “geeked out” over their newfound-shared interest. He was immensely glad Sam and Castiel got along. Well, as long as they didn’t get along to well. But Dean wasn’t really worried about that after how relaxed Cas had been in his arms. Even the steady, gentle rubbing of fingers at times seemed not to faze the enraptured young man. 

How Cas had never been allowed to read the iconic book still boggled Dean’s mind. He wanted nothing more now than to watch blue eyes scan the pages of the magical story (in more than one sense) with utter awe and obsession. To see the emotions Castiel would go through reading those books, all the ups and downs…triumphs and downfalls. To live the magic and escape life for a while. Yes, it would look amazing, Dean decided. 

Sam offered to let Cas borrow his copies but he begrudgingly declined. He explained that if his family was to find the innocent book he couldn’t even imagine the trouble to come. This worried Dean…why would a book; even if had magic, get him in trouble? Really, weren’t Moses’ miracles basically magic? It was silly. 

Mary and John walked through the front door, laughing themselves into nearly falling to the floor. Something about oranges. Dean looked at the clock on the DVR, seeing it was far later than the normal time he would have taken Castiel home by. Cas also seemed to notice, quickly thanking Sam for the offer before following Dean up the stairs to change. He quickly started to pull off his clothes, not bothered with Dean standing in the room. 

Jimmy quickly regretted this decision. The last thing he had wanted was to fail to get home before curfew but now that was the farthest thing from his mind. Dean was staring down at his legs, eyebrows knitted together tightly in the most worried sort of way. He couldn’t even blame Dean. Jimmy knew what the other saw there. All the bruises that covered the lower half of his body…all different colors and sizes. And the red rawness that stained his milky knees that could only ever truly mean one thing, unless one was to spend hours scrubbing the floor. But really who ever did that? It was too late to go back, he pulled off Dean’s shirt, more bruises coming into view with every inch. The large bite mark around his nipple and the hand shaped bruise that wrapped around the top of his arm was probably the worst of it. One from his mother, and the other from his uncle. He wouldn’t have been surprised at Dean if he were to throw up any second. 

But Dean didn’t. He stood there, eyes going glassy as if he were about to cry and Jimmy couldn’t help but walk up to Dean to place a hand on his shoulder, hoping to console him but the action only made those threats of tears come true. One tear slid down his cheek as he let it rest against Jimmy’s hand. Dean let his lips brush the skin he could get to, little whispers of comfort. 

Jimmy didn’t know what to do about it. So he pulled away and got dressed, pulling back on his clothes that covered up everything Dean had seen. Never to let it be seen again. “I’m sorry you had to see-“ Jimmy couldn’t even finish his sentence. Dean had pulled him into a tight embrace, whispering soft apologies serving to comfort himself more than Jimmy. 

They drove back to the Novak household in silence; Dean stealing quick glances the whole way. And when they finally arrived Dean latched onto Jimmy’s hand, reluctant to allow the man to go. Jimmy gave him a sad smile and pulled away, he felt no need to explain the situation, just knowing he needed to go. 

Jimmy leaned on the front door, letting out a little sigh. His mother saw him from the kitchen, she looked to the oven clock and then glared at Jimmy. Apparently he had barely made it back in time. 

What he didn’t know was that back at the Winchester’s Dean was sitting in the kitchen with his mom, asking her to join him at the table, resting his head heavily his hands before proceeding to say, “Mom…I-we, need to talk…”

“Okay, baby…” Her first ounce of worry coming when Dean didn’t protest the pet name but that would not be the end of it. 

-.X.-

Dean led them up the stairs, having said in the car that he had wanted to talk alone. Sammy was quiet the whole ride. Jimmy was pretty sure this was going to be about the incident yesterday. But Jimmy was just thankful that Dean had gotten peeved when he didn’t automatically start following him to the Impala. Truly Dean had looked outraged and slightly hurt, he had felt bad about it. 

They laid side by side on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, quietly breathing…waiting for the other to start up the conversation. Jimmy felt it his duty to give Dean a break with this. “So, you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah,” Dean confirmed but offered up nothing else, hands gently sitting on his stomach. 

“About?” Jimmy knew there was something off with his own voice but he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Dean apparently knew what was off, “I am not going to make you tell me, nor will I ever try...but, just know if you ever- _ever_ want to talk about it, I’m here and…I’ll listen.”

Jimmy was shocked. Dean wasn’t going to force him to talk about it? What kind of wonderful world was this? “Okay,” He paused, knowing there was something else he needed to say. Jimmy laid his hand on Dean’s before gently saying, “Thank you.” 

“Please don’t thank me,” Dean sounded absolutely horrid, and Jimmy felt awful for making that happen. After a while of uncomfortable silence they went into strained questions, about everything and nothing, favorite colors, foods, songs, anything really. But they were all very easy questions. 

Dean put on music and they sat quietly listening to it, sometimes joining in. Dean even let Jimmy show him some classical music, and he seemed to like it as far as Jimmy could tell. And then he noticed something that he hadn’t realized ‘til now. All the pictures of women were gone from Dean’s room, replaced with more cars and bands. There was no way he could not inquire about it, “So what happened to…” Jimmy waved his hand around at the walls. 

Dean automatically realized what he was talking about, he scratched at his cheek before shyly confessing, “Well, it bothered you-“

Before Dean could finish Jimmy cut him off, shocked by what the other had said, “You removed them for me?”

“Well, yeah. Kinda. I mean…I love you and they made you uncomfortable. And your reaction also made me realize how degrading it was to have them hanging around so yeah.” Dean was back to scratching at his neck again.

Jimmy ignored it, of course he ignored it, such a bold declaration. How could he not ignore it? 

Things between them were far more tense then they had been but once again Jimmy told Dean “It’s okay,” as he got out of the Impala. And Dean smiled, understanding exactly what Jimmy had meant. Even if it was all the ran through his mind while he was stuck in the deepest corner of it later that night he still wasn’t really sure what okay meant. Really what all did okay cover? 

Castiel hadn’t known either. 

-.X.-

“Come on, boys. Let’s go out to eat,” Mary chimed as John helped her put on her jacket, while trying to force his feet into his boots. 

Dean and Sam had been watching Jimmy play Kingdom Hearts again; both snickering at how into the whole experience he got. Jimmy had almost missed how Dean shied away from being physically close but still stayed within Jimmy’s personal space bubble. Though his was arguably bigger than most. Dean also would give him odd little glances, both looking angry and worried, the former not directed at Jimmy personally. He couldn’t even be mad with Dean, even if at one time he would have yelled at someone for the look. Though he was pretty sure it was only okay because it was Dean. 

The boys piled into the Impala while Mr. and Mrs. Winchester took the van, John asking why he couldn’t join the boys, Mary then told him to stop being a twit. They clearly loved each other very much. And then that thought led him back to the other night, to what Dean had said. The more he thought on those few words the more the proverbial butterflies in his stomach fluttered. The more he thought the more he got used to it. The more he wanted to hear those words, whispered, screamed…moaned. Jimmy blamed it on his long ignored need for someone to care. He was just glad that someone was Dean. There could be no other explanation to why he was obsessing over it. 

He had already completely missed the ride to the diner they were now pulling up to while in thought. It looked small and quaint, warm and homey. Mary and John were laughing again, clutching onto each other as they entered the restaurant. Really, Jimmy envied their relationship. He wanted someone, anyone, to laugh with like that. To completely lose yourself with someone else. 

They walked in and the hostess greeted them as if they ate there everyday, she only looked slightly confused when her eyes landed on Jimmy but she quickly went back to smiling at them all. She showed them to a booth. Dean slid in, Jimmy following and Sam squeezing in. It was tight, they were packed together and it was extremely uncomfortable pressed between two far larger people. Dean seemed to understand the discomfort and squished his body up against the side of the wall, giving both Jimmy and Sam more room. 

But still they were close, and Jimmy once again couldn’t help but be overly aware of the heat rolling in waves off of his body. Surprisingly Jimmy barely noticed Sam next to him. Once again, he knew if he thought on it hard enough he might come to some life altering conclusion but the smell of perfectly greasy food emanating from the back of house forced him to concentrate on the menu. 

He and Dean end up ordering the same burger, which had not been planned, and Sammy got a salad. They all laughed and joked around while waiting for their food, the conversation coming easily. Mary and John asked him all kinds of questions about himself. Dean sometimes answer the questions for him, which he found both endearing, that Dean had remembered such small things, and annoying since he couldn’t answer on his own. 

When the waitress brought the food they all start digging in, conversation dropped, all too busy with consuming the delicious food in front of them. It was almost the best thing he had ever put in his mouth. Definitely beat some things. It was still dull when compared to Mrs. Winchester food but he understood that she needed a break every once in a while. Jimmy didn’t get how Sammy could choose salad over the perfectly cooked fries. 

Dean ordered a piece of pie for himself after he finished everything sitting on his plate, Jimmy slightly envious of the seemingly bottomless pit of a stomach Dean possessed. But when the sweet young lady named Jo came back with a warm piece of apple pie with vanilla ice cream on top Jimmy couldn’t help how his mouth watered. 

A fork reached across his body, moving to steal a bite of the delicious treat but it was soon fought off with the jab of a fork. Sam hissed in pain even though Dean hadn’t maimed him. Though the intent was there. 

Jimmy couldn’t help his own need to try to steal a bite, so he did, and Dean let him. Frowning but continuing to eat around Jimmy’s movements. They ended up splitting it pretty evenly, Sam continuing to pout beside them. Mary had said to be nice but Dean ignored her. 

John paid for their meal and Sam rode back with his parents while Dean took him home. 

Dean walked him to the front steps, before spitting out, “I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to either,” Jimmy sighed and started to turn away but Dean grabbed his wrist automatically easing up on his hold. 

“Will you be okay?” 

Jimmy didn’t know whether to answer him but unfortunately he felt the gut-wrenching urge to tell the truth. “Most likely not.” Dean looked so devastated. But Jimmy pulled away and walked to the door, pausing only for a second to say, “Goodbye, Dean,” before going inside. 

Stupid book club.

-.X.-

“For whom the bell tolls! Time marches on! For whom the bell tolls!” They had apparently formed some kind of singing trio. All of them singing shamelessly loud, playing air instruments and waving their arms around at weird intervals. Jimmy had learned to enjoy the musical stylings of Metallica, AC/DC, Queen and Kansas, as well as many others he had yet to learn the names for. As soon as the song was over they jumped out of the car, laughing and still playing “sick” air riffs. At first Jimmy had thought they needed a doctor, he had never really understood that term. 

Jimmy was the first inside, quickly pulling of his coat and shoes before yelling out through the house, “Mom, we’re home!” The words left his mouth before he could realize what they were.

Mary rushed into the entryway, eyes wide. She stood there for a few seconds, just staring at him. Dean and Sam quiet behind him. Jimmy didn’t know what to expect, he started to say he was sorry but before he could even get the words to form he was being held. Not the normal squeeze that came from the small lady but an equally soft and firm hold. She rubbed circles in his back and he wasn’t sure why but it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. Jimmy allowed his head to go slack against her shoulder, golden hair rubbing against his cheek. Mrs. Winchester softly said, directly into his ear so that no one else hear, “You can always call me mom, I will always answer, love.” 

He loved the attention but he knew…she knew. That was all he could think of.

She knew. 

  
  


[CHAPTER 7]  
  


She had cornered him as soon as he walked into the house on Friday night, calling him into the living room in a way that Jimmy knew could only mean his immediate doom. Mrs. Novak was sitting, as ridged as a board, on the couch while motioning for him to sit down across from him. Jimmy took the seat, unable to let his posture relax, the leer directed at him made a shiver run down his spin. Whatever she had to say he knew was going to be unpleasant. 

“Where have you been?” Mother’s tone hadn’t been this sharp in months…when he had been too sick to go to church. That hadn’t been pleasant. She had slapped him for telling her no. Jimmy learned that lesson the hard way. 

“At a friend’s,” Jimmy’s gaze shifted down to his hands that rested limply in his lap. That tone…he was going to like this. 

“What’s their name?” It didn’t even sound like a question, it only sounded like an accusation. He wasn’t even sure what the charges were, Jimmy just knew he was guilty. The flush that reached his ears was only that of shame.

“Dean Winchester,” the name came out so smoothly and he knew there was something telling in it. Mother obviously noticed, she’d have to be a fool not to. 

Her eyebrows knitted together momentarily think over the name but no recognition came with the name, soon she was squinting angrily. “There are no Winchesters in the church…”

“I never asked them if they were.”

“I don’t want you around them anymore,” Mrs. Novak’s tone was completely absolute. There would be no questioning of her decision, there was no room for argument and all debating would be reprimanded. Jimmy wish more than anything that he could still see the Winchesters, to disobey her so blatantly but he still wanted…her love? Acceptance? Jimmy wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. 

If there was one thing he was sure of it was the he wasn’t ready to forget about the Winchesters. 

“Can I-Can I ask why?” The only thing he wanted was a way to get his time with the Winchesters back, even if he had to scale back his time with them. 

She looked at her son as if he was the dumbest person she had ever meet. “They aren’t part of the church Jimmy, you have been spending far too much time with them. You are already corrupted; there is no need to cause further problems for yourself. More importantly your father wouldn’t approve.” 

“But they are good people…” Jimmy knew then that was right were he pushed his mother too far. He couldn’t even blame her for what came next. 

Suddenly Mrs. Novak had moved from her seat, rushing over to grab his chin tightly in her hand. There would be little dots of bruises around his face. She really did have a tight hold. Jimmy winced slightly, pulling back on reflex just to be held tighter. “They’re sinners Jimmy…Maybe you do belong with them.” His mother pushed his face away harshly, as if almost a slap. “Go to your room.”

Jimmy silently followed her orders. 

-.X.-

Dean didn’t notice the divide at first, well not for what it was. When Monday rolled around Castiel had been tense, (of course he could tell the difference between Jimmy and Castiel but since the other had yet to protest he kept on with the nickname) he had assumed it had to do with the bruises. Dean had to seek out Cas so they could hang around during school and when the end of school rolled around he explained he was too busy. Dean was worried but he also noticed the way everyone acted once he got home, they were already used to him being around. And the coat hangers seem wrong without a trench coat there. 

His mother gave him big sad eyes everyday after that, Castiel slowly pulling away farther and farther. Dean shared his worries with his mom and Sammy had joked about it in the car…he didn’t know. John was the first to really ask, “Where is Cas?” Dean shook his head and stocked up the stairs. He spent a lot of time in his room worrying now. Mary hinted at it but she was more of the type to be sneaky about her inquires. All Dean’s thoughts were consumed by what he could do, anything to protect Cas and…steal him away? Steal him away. Protect him. 

He had made up his mind. 

A week and half Dean suffered a constant building anxiety, before he decided to act. No longer would he keep away. No matter how mad Cas would be in the moment, it would help in the long run. 

Throughout math on Wednesday Dean formulated his plan of attack (well, not attack, never attack). Scratch that, his plan of action. Once he realized getting Castiel to a secluded area to talk would be the only way to attempt to work out whatever was going on. The bell rang and he rushed out of class after Cas, catching up quickly. Dean felt bad about the startled face now in front of him, but he kept his hand steady on a trench coat covered elbow. Castiel was allowing himself to be taken, Dean was sure to keep his hold feather light, barely herding him to the nearest janitorial closet. 

The door was pulled open and he gently pulled Cas in after him. Dean slides down in front of the door, blocking off the exit. It was so damn dark. He could barely see a heaving chest. The heavy intake of air coming from in front of him was troubling. Panic. 

Cas was panicking, stumbling backwards hitting the shelving unit behind him. Cleaning supplies clattering to the concrete floor. Dean does the only thing he can, quietly shushing and whispering little reassurances as he slowly stands up to try and hold the shaking man. “It’s okay…I just want to talk…” 

A hard slap stings the back of Dean’s hand, the one that had been on its way to hold Cas. He couldn’t be angry about the way Castiel attack him. It was like a caged animal defending himself. The screaming came next, “Why are you doing this?!”

Dean was silent. 

“It’s your fault! You are a sinner and you are bringing me down! Mother was right for telling me to get away from you. You make me do bad things. It’s your fault.”

“I’m sorry…” If Cas need to let out his anger Dean would take it.   
  


“I can’t see you anymore, leave me alone.” Castiel’s words were like hot steel, but there was something so broken about the way he spoke that Dean couldn’t just give up. Not just that but the word ‘can’t’ instead of ‘don’t want to’ made him so more solid in his determination to save Castiel from everything that plagued him.

“Why can’t you, what will happen?” Dean’s tone was soft and comforting but the question asked was still strong. He was trying so hard to help the man he loved and if that meant keeping him here until they finally talked he would. 

“Because I’m a sinner! I don’t want her to hurt me any more…to hate me anymore… I want what you have with your mom. Please, just let me have it.” Cas slid to the floor realizing what he had said, finally understanding so much about himself. And being so ashamed he had unleashed this in front of Dean. He is shell shocked, how could he still love her after knowing what he just admitted. The women who gave birth to him both hated him and beat him and yet, still, Castiel longed for her approval, for her love. 

Dean scooted over to sit in front of Castiel, trying his hardest not to cry for the other. Cas went limply into his arms as Dean pulled him into his lap. He rubbed circles into his back and just held him, until Cas broke down and started to cry. The kind of crying that leaves shirts wet with both tears and snot, the kind of bawling that leaves a person so emotionally drained they can help but to fall asleep after they finally calm down enough to catch their breath again. 

Dean held him all the way through it, not saying a word just letting Jimmy cry and mumble out everything that was wrong. And when it was finally over and Cas was tucked under his chin, fast asleep, with puffy eyes Dean pulled out his phone to see 6 texts from Sam and 4 calls.

_Where are you asshole?_ Was the newest one.

He quickly replied back, _I’ll be there in a sec, don’t say anything when I come._ Before convincing the sleeping Castiel to latch onto his back with his backpack on. Dean put his head through the strap of his messanger bag and started to make his way out into the parking lot. He felt like a zombie, but he wouldn’t allow himself to break down now, this was for Cas. 

Sam started to speak when Dean finally got to the impala but Dean stopped him by asking him to just please open the car door. He gently placed Castiel into the front seat and buckled him up before getting in the car. 

Sam watched Dean rest his head onto the steering wheel, his body shaking as he tried to steady his breath, all he could do was lay a hand on his brothers shoulder. It was nearly enough. 

Dean took in a hard breath and forced his rigid body straight, finally starting up the car. He played no music and made no small conversation. 

**Author's Note:**

> If You want to adopt this story let me know.


End file.
